First week, back to training.

My blog focuses on feelings lately... some facts were left out as I'm not in mood for writing...

This was the first week I went back to College for training.... not too stressful, something to learn.... not a bad way to earn the monthly salary I guess.

Am I using work as my asylum for now? I seem to have worked two shifts everyday.... training in the morning and went back to office in evening.... true.... the files can take care of themselves even if I'm not there..... but the responsibilities issue... it'll come back to haunt you some time in future for the lack of supervision today... I hope the effort I made now will be worthwhile.

Truth are always cruel... but if you had decided to seek the truth... there was no reason I should stop you. Only advice being "Know every intention."

I'm so tired today.... though officially it's a day off..... I went for the Force Dragon Boat Race in Shatin in morning.... it's so cold.... but still.... It's fun.... now it's good time to develop some new habit....

愛情轉移

徘徊過多少櫥窗　住過多少旅館
才會覺得分離也並不冤枉
感情是用來瀏覽　還是用來珍藏
好讓日子天天都過得難忘

熬過了多久患難　濕了多長眼眶
才能知道傷感是愛的遺產
流浪幾張雙人床　換過幾次信仰
才讓戒指義無反顧的交換

把一個人的溫暖　轉移到另一個的胸膛
讓上次犯的錯反省出夢想
每個人都是這樣　享受過提心吊膽
才拒絕做愛情代罪的羔羊

回憶是抓不到的月光握緊就變黑暗
等虛假的背影消失於晴朗
陽光在身上流轉　等所有業障被原諒
愛情不停站　想開往地老天荒　需要多勇敢

燭光照亮了晚餐　照不出個答案
戀愛不是溫馨的請客吃飯
床單上鋪滿花瓣　擁抱讓它成長
太擁擠就開到了別的土壤

感情需要人接班　接近換來期望
期望帶來失望的惡性循環
短暫的總是浪漫　漫長總會不滿
燒完美好青春換一個老伴

你不要失望　蕩氣迴腸是為了　最美的平凡

讓自己清醒的19句話

1、如果發簡訊給一個人，他一直不回，不要再發了。沒有這麼卑微的等待。

2、如果沒有人陪，學著一個人聽音樂看書寫點心情日記。這是個好習慣。

3、如果一個人很難過，找個角落或者在被子裏哭一下，不需要別人同情可憐，哭過之後一樣開心生活。

4、如果一個人開始怠慢你，請你離開他。不懂珍惜你的人不要為之不舍，更不必繼續付出你的友情或愛情，到頭來受傷的是自己，他人不會為之難過。

5、如果可以不抽煙，別抽。如果可以不喝酒，別喝。這是不愛惜自己身體的表現，如果只因一些人，那麼我們別傻了，愛你的人不會讓你難過的。

6、傷心的時候找個信任的朋友訴說一下，不要一個人默默承受，這只會會更添寂寞感與憂傷。

7、不開心的時候白天看看藍天晚上看看夜色，廣闊的天空自有屬於我們愛，寧可高傲的發黴不要低調的戀愛。跟自己說我是最好的，保持一份自信。

8、寧缺毋濫。不要因為寂寞隨手抓一個戀人，這對兩人都不公平，而且太缺乏責任感。找個知己不要是戀人。

9、記住你喜歡的人的生日，包括你的家人，當然，還有自己。生日沒有人送禮物也無所謂，你可以買精美的禮物，送給媽媽和爸爸。

10、閑下來的時候，放一段柔情音樂，翻閱幾頁好書，然後睡個懶覺，快哉。心情不好的時候，也可以睡一覺。

11、從現在開始，聰明一點，不要問別人想不想你？愛不愛你？若是要想你或者愛你自然會對你說，但是從你的嘴裏說出來，別人會很驕傲和不在乎你。

12、不要太在意一些人太在乎一些事，順其自然以最佳心態面對。因為這世界就是這麼不公平往往在最在乎的事物面前我們最沒有價值。

13、不要為了任何人任何事折磨自己。比如不吃飯、哭泣、自閉、抑鬱，這些都是傻瓜才做的事。當然，偶爾傻一下有必要，人生不必時時聰明。

14、任何情況下，背後不說他人是非。如果你一定要說，說好話。多個朋友是好事，即使不是很要好的，總比因為自己說話不慎重不思考而多一個敵人好得多。

15、允許偶爾看肥皂劇，但不可成為依賴。允許偶爾披頭散髮，但要注重場合。允許偶爾罵髒話，但只限在老友面前或者獨自一人時，說過後記得要忘掉那些讓你難過的事。

16、一定要有幾個異性朋友，沒有非分之想，就是關鍵時候，能幫你出出主意的好友。

17、學會承受痛苦自己調整心態。有些話，適合爛在心裏，有些痛苦，適合無聲無息的忘記。當經歷過，你成長了，自己知道就好。很多改變，不需要你自己說，別人會看得到。

18、能不和人爭吵儘量避免。一個發怒的人是很恐怖的，會因控制不了情緒變成瘋子。忍耐然後思索問題的根源最後平靜心態解決它。

19、不管和誰有了矛盾和彆扭，解決的時間不要超過24小時。否則麻煩會更多。在可以接受的範圍內，先道歉。有時候做壞人不是件真的壞事。

解脫了

謝謝你,加速了這個決定的誕生…

這段生活真的困難重重,以前也是全因你,我才有勇氣走完全程,展開了新的一頁。

就是不想辜負你的信任,我花更多精力把每事做好…

料不到的是,這一決定帶來的反效果…

你走遠了…

你的出現帶來希望,你離開時亦帶走了一切…

現今,只剩空殼的我已找不到留下的理由…

算是一個了斷吧…待明天與Personnel Wing的大Sir解釋後便完了~

好好珍惜剩下的日子…就是一天也好了。

曾經…到現在…我所喜愛的也沒變…但,偶然換—下口味也不錯吧…

今晚回到公司,能對著一疊疊的快勞說出一句"與我何干?"的感覺,原來真的很好…我想,我終能有一點明白你了。

前路茫茫,還看不到岸…我只知我現生活在混鈍中…停留於此,冷眼看世界,口中也是同一句,I don't care!

但…為何心中還是放不低?

Does it matter?

Even if...

You placed her benefit in front of yours...

You are fully devoted to her...

You heart was in pain...


There was no such thing as equal...

Only two casuality on this course...

How ironic.

忘了...忘不了...

Purpose of life...

What a great chance to meet with Kennon this afternoon.... felt enlightened and through discussion, I can organize and reason my thoughts into ideas.... the materialization of ideas (a.k.a Eureka moment)was so intense.... it's almost Zen like...

Talking about religion.... I have got new interpretation to the use of religion today... religion gives man a mission, something to occupy their life with.... to spread the news of god (or other similiar meaning) is a mission.... something that they knew (believed) is right and so that they can devote their time and energy into doing so.... to spare them from the 'ordinary-ness' of life... when ordinary = boredom, boredom = no point in existence... they experience their life through religion (god created me/ god planned this to me) so they have a meaning...

Is all these religion stuff a lie? Or something that keep people moving? I dont know... I am seriously considering taking some course from uni.... "Comparative Religion" maybe?

Talking about meaning of life.... I recalled one manga that I like a lot during my Uni life.... cant resist but to review it last night.... still got plenty of inspiration each time I read it.... Here it goes... 消防員的故事: http://kukudm.com/comiclist/703/

Cant sleep...

What's going on? Please face truth.... it's evident, isnt it?

Be strong and walk on.... one step at a time...




"Every tears that you cry, will be replaced when you die"

Finally...

Finally.... the wind did not come...

It maybe a good thing... but I doubt if I'll ever had the chance to wear the uniform and do stupid things in the street in bad weather again... Really dont know...

Have finished working C shift.... for the next 3 weeks it would be great time to recuperate myself during training course... looking forward to it.

The greatest achievement of this week... I was faced with 3 problemetic files... one OUD, one HIO and one Discipline.... they combined to give the force management much trouble too.... am i the fortunate one to be able to have the chance to handle them at such junior stage of my career? I hope yes.... or else I will be in misery...

Felt the presence of autumn.... it's getting cooler at night...

Very tired now...

Problem with the property market.

Really, Roid spoke what I wanted to say... what a dilemma.

HIO and OUD

Really.... there can be files that you havent even had the slightest idea on how to write.... they are both on my desk now pending BU this week..... damn.

I found out no matter how sincere the staff appeared... they could still utter BS and make fool of me... human hearts are so complex.... but the only thing i can assure him is that he will be in a hell of trouble for doing so...

In a bad shape this 2 days as I was lack of sleep from work....

Looking forward for typhoon to come... so I can dance in the rain.

Impressive dance.

用光繪晝

Bad day...

How best to greet the new boss? I did it by making a mistake in my email to her... impressive start, isnt it?

I cant wait till IPCT to start.... I need a getaway.

Finally it's autumn...

Change in mentality.

Did I sound depressed and stressed all the time?

I've been told more than once lately that I changed... I'm no longer the care-free person I used to be... now I'm just gloomed by darkness.... a darkness that even light can not penetrate... a darkness which I started to affect the people around me...

If I had to convince myself... I can only use the imaginary goal that I made up for myself.... a goal where one day life will be beautiful, will be great, will be happy... I knew all these were lies.... but what else can I believe in?

I am not courageous to face the truth.

I chose to tell lies.... to myself.

I'm afraid.... when one day I no longer believe in the utopia that I created.... there's nothing left in me.... life will be so pointless.

Holiday...

First time to work with new boss today... She gave me the impression of one who care less about details but results.... Working for her was so different than the old boss.... possibly because she's on the rise?

I can expect life will be fully occpuied by work in the coming few months.... preparation for even tougher post? I hope.

It might be good I can have a holiday till mid-Nov before going back to warzone.... I needed that.

Animal Day...

What a day...

Is it full moon tonight? How come all hell broke loose? Apart from several of my staff call in sick on the same day.... I was called out by the DVC to do patrol with him... gosh, it's such a hot day today...

In the evening it's even worse.... wild pig found.... Why me? I am in no position to catch it, leave alone to disturb it.... especially this one is the king boar, larger than a cattle, you expect me to deal with it? Gosh...

Snake found in the same night.... Why the hell is a deadly cobra lurking in the fuse box? If I was not wearing the uniform it will be turned into a snake soup in no time.... shame....

Dog in a manhole?? Even worse call.... Go settle it yourself!!! The dead cat in the same hole is a bonus....

Gosh.... I'm sick of this animal kingdom.

New boss... old boss...

Suddenly found out.... I dont have to face my boss for one month after her transfer in... She's on leave next week, then I'll be gone for study course for 3 weeks.... wow... maybe after the course I will have my personal issues all settled and rejuvenated for me to enjoy my career.... I dont know, let's see....

Unhappy tonight... The more I know, the more unhappy I become...

Word of wisdom.

Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate.
- Rachel Hansen, 500 days of Summer

Work...

Finally.... the canteen is back.... should be able to have some decent meal at work soon.

Got a bad name for things that I didnt even do.... I only took over this unit for 5 months, not 5 years.... gosh.

Once again.... ran tonight.... feeling good.

我還想她

Cant sleep.

Cant sleep now... too much on my mind now.

New boss arrive tomorrow... once again, it's a make or break chance.... must grab it well with my own hands.

Got a couple of tricky cases this few days.... glad to have learned something new.

Went for a jog afterwork.... it's feeling good... though it rained while half way but I feel the rain is so cleansing... it reminded me of the day when I was in University, once again in such misery, I jogged to the cyberport and came across the heaviest rain of my life yet.... I was soaked went and even my mobile was drowned...

Maybe... I can now live without mobile, can I?

There's no one left to call.

Thanks Eason.

Thank you Eason.... you sang my words.

旅行的意義

NCO dinner

This two days had been great.

Nothing too much, nothing pressing, nothing to worry with no boss around...

Can really sit down and think.... career, work, family.... can have time to talk to my staff one on one with ease...

Glad to have some rotation in my staff... an experienced staff will go soon.... but his replacement, though junior, was a nice guy too....

Had a dinner with all my NCO last night afterwork.... chat, drink, laughters... This is a very different social context than the days I had in University or highschool... different people with different rank and age.... but what's important, we all belonged to the same team, all striving towards the same goal, now where is the difference?

It's an wonderful night.

如果你的男朋友是警察

他工作的時候接不了你的電話，請不要怪他， 稍有不慎就可能發生狀況，他面對的是自己及民眾的生命，

他忙的時候回不了妳的訊息，請不要怨他， 他可能正在追捕逃犯或是救護傷患，

他累的時候冷漠不語，請不要與他吵架， 他可能因突然變更的勤務時間打亂了休息時間，腦神經已緊繃一整天，

他可能在崗哨站了十幾個小時 , 他可能剛剛遇到了棘手的案子，

他煩的時候，請不要與他計較， 可能他遇到的案件不是那麼容易能處理 , 唯一能讓他放鬆心情的人只有妳，

他悲傷流淚的時候，請耐心的安慰他， 他面對了太多所謂的人情冷暖，他見過了太多所謂的世態炎涼， 他絕不是冷酷無情，也絕不是遭遇太多而沒有了感覺， 而是他不能在別人面前哭， 他為了能讓工作順利進行， 他必須學會獨立，學會冷靜思考應對各種狀況， 但唯有面對妳，他才能流淚， 因為妳才是唯一那個能讓他感覺最能放下疲勞緊繃的心及依靠的情人。

妳生病的時候他不能在妳身旁照顧妳，請不要怪他， 除了父母，他是唯一那個最擔心妳的人， 哪怕只是一個小小的噴嚏，他也會擔心， 但是他的工作是去幫助那些更多需要幫助的人， 他們把所有的希望都放在了他的身上， 他巴不得自己能像漫畫裡的主角一樣，能變出兩個自己，這樣兩邊都能照顧， 所以他只要有時間一定會在妳身旁照顧妳,

慶假日沒法陪妳的時候，請體諒他， 民眾都在放假，但是警察不能放假， 他要時時刻刻站好自己的崗位，做好自己的本分， 給更多人能夠享受生命，享受節慶假日的快樂， 其實他何嘗不想陪在妳身旁與妳一起度過那美好時光 ，

他不能在紀念日陪妳渡過的時候，請諒解他的苦衷， 他的工作時常不能允許他準時下班，突來的工作更讓他更無所適從， 他也只能聽從，只能習慣經常調動的工作時間。


妳休息時他在工作，妳上班時他仍在工作，請不要抱怨， 其實他最想念的人就是妳，每日想妳千次萬次， 不時打開手機內翻閱與妳互傳的甜蜜簡訊， 這是他無法陪伴在你身旁唯一能夠想妳、念妳的事， 一旦他有時間即使犧牲自己的休息時間也會去看妳，

在妳工作的時候為了不影響妳， 只能在妳看不到的角落偷偷望著妳， 然後傳個簡訊或者打通電話， 告訴妳他好愛妳，好想妳，今天的妳真漂亮， 即便不敢開口仍是說上幾句衣服要多穿一點，一定要好好吃飯， 不要因為工作累壞了身體，我不能時刻在你身旁照顧妳請妳原諒 …

如果妳的男朋友是警察， 請妳嘗試學著去理解，去體諒，去寬容... 畢竟他也經常被人誤解，被人甩臉色， 但他只要想著你，一切一切也無所謂了， 請試著包容他有時候的倔脾氣， 他需要發洩來平衡自己， 他是有心的人不可能讓自己永遠流淚，永遠接受委屈。 妳是他唯一能夠撒嬌，妳是他唯一什麼都不用顧忌傾訴心底話的情人， 妳是他的女朋友，妳是他的精神支柱。

如果妳的男朋友是警察， 請不要嫌棄他粗糙的雙手， 請真心的呵護，當基層員警的身體也不是很好， 工作上無形的壓力和辛苦，日夜顛倒的工作時間，使他的外表及內心更加憔悴。

不要以為他總是能開心的面對每件事，不要以為他總是能微笑的承受他人的冷嘲熱讽， 實際上緊繃的工作重擔，時常更動的工作時間，使他承受了身體和心裡的雙重壓力， 長時間所的工作以及焦慮，所累積的緊繃心情使他比一般人更容易憔悴，更容易生病。

不要抱怨他好似不再細心體貼的關心妳，呵護妳， 請真心的愛護，因為他最愛的人是妳。 長期晝夜顛倒的工作時間把他的生活作息全部打亂， 打亂了妳與他的相處時間，也打亂了他的身體健康， 每每他下了夜班，妳曾否仔細看過他的臉色？

請不要嘲笑他越來越深的黑眼圈，越來越白的鬢角，請真心疼惜， 他的工作不分晝夜，每一分、每一秒鐘都是不閉眼死盯下來的，別人可以睡覺可是他不能...

如果你的男朋友是警察， 請妳仔細看著他憔悴的樣子， 如果真的愛他，請好好珍惜他，關心他， 學著去珍惜，學著去關心，學著為他心疼。

Give double effort with the price of one.

I can't believe it myself too.... It's now almost one at night.... and I have officially worked way more than half day today.... but I just left the office for home..... the idea of staying in the station crossed my mind for a second before my reasoning kicks in saying I forgot my sleeping bag at home.....

Well.... something's wrong wiht me....

It's been somewhile since I write here.... I still remembered the days when I use to vent my anger or express my views on this blog... now.... I'm doing this over again.

Life was normal.... working an A shift.... nothing too much, cleared most case already on today... Files had been piling up from the day I left Hong Kong for Korea.... it's now payback time....

Was kept busy on file work that I hardly have time to patrol this two days.... must work hard in order to go out and explore.

Attended to a workshop on positive emotions, it couldnt have come in a better time.... learned of new skills and philosophy in keeping myself up.... but will it work? I am a very good testing subject at this moment.

Worked hard on a dangerous drug case.... first time to amend charge and liaise with court prosecutor.... though my staff had prepared all (what they think was correct) documents for my signature... I found I am a bit of perfectionist.... I wont accept anything less than my standard... So i worked hard when everybody else was off and figured out some new functions and procedures that shall help me with future case handling... When I finally dispatch the file away, I felt a sense of happiness and pride at that time.... It's a good feeling.

It's my boss farewell dinner tonight.... It's good to have such an occassion to hang out once in a while.... Met my new boss tonight for the first time.... she seems serious enough... I dont know... on one hand she's the kind of boss that's on the rise and is willing to adopt new ideas.... on otherhand she will not settle for less... I can already see myself working non stop in the forseeable time.... I dont know it's a blessing or curse, I will just live this change.

Farewell to boss. Good luck in the new post.

PS. My big boss told me I am a INTJ person.... the scientist? quite true.

應該漠不關心 然而還著緊...





分手快樂 祝妳快樂
但妳可以找到更好的...

韓國之旅

期待,機場,分歧,花園,親疏,快樂,山寺,溫泉,決定,不安,改變,強顏,煙火,猜疑,海傍,甜蜜,晴天,單車,悠閒,紅葉,歐陸,寧靜,勇氣,接受,擔心,無眠,叮嚀,享受,動物,倒數,遊戲,刺激,和服,婚照,閒逛,購物,真相,心灰,淚人,聊天,輕鬆,看破,遊覧,分神,珍惜,大學,將來,機場,妒忌,心灰,起飛,話別,朋友,盡訢,抵達,陌路,學習,前路?

返回現實,經歷在記憶中封存,傷口以時間治療。