Still... nothing much apart from work today.
Bad news straight from the start of the day... I was chased after by my OPS for some stupid 'cake-baking' project... domestic helper case standing order? You're wasting my time.
But still.... even if I intend to write rubbish... I still got to find time and write.
Switched-on turbo on death report writing... finished a thick, heavy file which had been sitting on my precedent's desk and mine for long time.... afterall, it's my first death report totally on my own.... I dont know if it's good or bad, this is one of the hardest file to do... lots of witness, lots of expert report. To make a fair comment is hard. Cant believe I've tackled the hardest 'boss' as my debut report... felt proud..... but in the same time, this file had took much much longer than I've expected.... now the other work suffered.
The afternoon spent on case study and write up of another trouble operaion, against unlicensed liquor premises. The operation had been done by the precedent and in truth... it was a mess. But the bosses failed to believe it and insisted on pursuing the case.
Even I was in jeopardy of 'Unlawful use of authority'... I was instructed by the boss to arrest a guy who (at that stage) I can not see any reasonable believe that he was involved.... but it wasnt until today that I learned from my boss' statement, he refused to take command of the whole operation... that in turn make my act unlawful....
Suddenly my mind rang the tune of 'FXCK YOU' by Lily Allen...
Boss, it's your idea to go against that shop... now when the situation got out of hand and you want to save you arse and walk away? No way. If you intend to walk out of this I'm sure you'll regret of what you have done...
No matter what, I will defend myself. Even if it mean to put in front of the court.
=
Enough work and rant here...
Maybe, I just need a break... some facebook, some movies and music will help too.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Work.
Finally... sent out the message how i want my team to be operating on....
I can only wait and see how well they do.
Still... my work progress stalls....
What must I do?
=
Had gym tonight... I grew weaker and weaker... not in condition?
So tired now... gotta sleep.
I can only wait and see how well they do.
Still... my work progress stalls....
What must I do?
=
Had gym tonight... I grew weaker and weaker... not in condition?
So tired now... gotta sleep.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Determination.
Post holiday syndrome kicks in... hard today.
Have no mood in my paper work, but still.... with deadline looming... I still have to do it....
Finally realize it's impossible for one person to touch up what was sub-standard in the first place...
The accountability kicks in here.... If the product bear my name, and I am the one responsible for it.... doesnt it mean I should do whatever is required to ensure the standard?
Even at the cost that I'm regarded as the arse in the company.
I'm paid to do so.
Old saying. If your boss is not happy, dont expect youself can be happy. This applies on me.... same as my staff.
I dont care how you work it in the past (though apparently, the work had been critized by the coroner before... that's not of acceptable standard).... with a new boss... there's new standard.
If you're not up to it, I'll be more than glad to trade you for a better model.
=
Sleepy sleepy now... but still want to hang on facebook.
Have no mood in my paper work, but still.... with deadline looming... I still have to do it....
Finally realize it's impossible for one person to touch up what was sub-standard in the first place...
The accountability kicks in here.... If the product bear my name, and I am the one responsible for it.... doesnt it mean I should do whatever is required to ensure the standard?
Even at the cost that I'm regarded as the arse in the company.
I'm paid to do so.
Old saying. If your boss is not happy, dont expect youself can be happy. This applies on me.... same as my staff.
I dont care how you work it in the past (though apparently, the work had been critized by the coroner before... that's not of acceptable standard).... with a new boss... there's new standard.
If you're not up to it, I'll be more than glad to trade you for a better model.
=
Sleepy sleepy now... but still want to hang on facebook.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Festive Season.
Wow, it's been so long since I wrote here.
This had been a wonderful christmas for me.... though I felt wasted everyday when i woke up and it's definitely not a holiday for recuperation, but instead, crazy fun.
Friday, Christmas Eve.
Work as usual.... but the mind drifted to the fade halfway in the morning.... Had got several meals in a short period of time.... starting with 'yum cha' with my team the first thing in the morning as all my bosses were gone for meeting in HQ.... we spent a couple hours "inspecting the license condition" of one of the chinese restaurant.... result? We're well fed.
Worked for a short while and it's time for christmas meal part 2. My boss was back and he will soon retire, he's kind enough to throw a party for all 'Admin' Wing colleague.... had turkey and many other dishes of good food in our meeting room.... lovely time...
By the time I was about to concentrate on work.... a decoration worker came in and asked if I'd mind him drilling the wall for the air-con replacement.... why on earth would he pick that time? I had no choice but to be evicted from my own office.... went to my team's office and instruct them to clean up their messy office.... by the time my room's ready... it's already 6ish and it's time for off duty.... yes, you heard it right.... no productivity for the whole day... that's impressive.
By the time I got home in evening, had a good dinner with family and was knickered by night time.... turned down a few party and the invitation to church for quality sleeping time...
Saturday, Christmas day.
It might be too long since I slept for 12 hours straight.. I woke with joint pain and a sore back....
Damn.... it ruined the whole day..... did nothing much but at home.... doing nothing... books, movies, music.... the usual.
Sunday, Boxing day.
That's where I had my christmas celebration.
From morning I started thinking about the christmas turkey... by afternoon I was at my aunt's place for christmas gathering with family... met the lovely cousins and all uncles and aunts. Grandma looked great too... shame I could stay the whole while...
Another christmas ritual.... gathering at Jeff's place... was having so much fun (apart from gambling)... when old friends get together, it's this lovely feeling.
If there were less dishes or the fact that my team didnt keep on losing.... that'd have been a perfect gathering.
Monday, still.... a holiday.
Woke up with a bad headache.... must be the cheap Christmas mulled wine the night before.... still, I manage to get to Tai Wai for cycling...
How long was my last cycling trip? Year 1?? Cant remember exactly...
Tai Wai, Tai Po, Tai Mei Tuk... and a surprise BBQ at night.... what more can I ask for? It's been joyful with you guys and gals. Miss you all.
Glad you like the presents ^^
It's about time to sleep.... tomorrow need to clear all files away....
=
It's been so long since I touched the camera...
I never know... the photos we took in Korea was still sitting there......
So sentimental...
I missed the smile.
This had been a wonderful christmas for me.... though I felt wasted everyday when i woke up and it's definitely not a holiday for recuperation, but instead, crazy fun.
Friday, Christmas Eve.
Work as usual.... but the mind drifted to the fade halfway in the morning.... Had got several meals in a short period of time.... starting with 'yum cha' with my team the first thing in the morning as all my bosses were gone for meeting in HQ.... we spent a couple hours "inspecting the license condition" of one of the chinese restaurant.... result? We're well fed.
Worked for a short while and it's time for christmas meal part 2. My boss was back and he will soon retire, he's kind enough to throw a party for all 'Admin' Wing colleague.... had turkey and many other dishes of good food in our meeting room.... lovely time...
By the time I was about to concentrate on work.... a decoration worker came in and asked if I'd mind him drilling the wall for the air-con replacement.... why on earth would he pick that time? I had no choice but to be evicted from my own office.... went to my team's office and instruct them to clean up their messy office.... by the time my room's ready... it's already 6ish and it's time for off duty.... yes, you heard it right.... no productivity for the whole day... that's impressive.
By the time I got home in evening, had a good dinner with family and was knickered by night time.... turned down a few party and the invitation to church for quality sleeping time...
Saturday, Christmas day.
It might be too long since I slept for 12 hours straight.. I woke with joint pain and a sore back....
Damn.... it ruined the whole day..... did nothing much but at home.... doing nothing... books, movies, music.... the usual.
Sunday, Boxing day.
That's where I had my christmas celebration.
From morning I started thinking about the christmas turkey... by afternoon I was at my aunt's place for christmas gathering with family... met the lovely cousins and all uncles and aunts. Grandma looked great too... shame I could stay the whole while...
Another christmas ritual.... gathering at Jeff's place... was having so much fun (apart from gambling)... when old friends get together, it's this lovely feeling.
If there were less dishes or the fact that my team didnt keep on losing.... that'd have been a perfect gathering.
Monday, still.... a holiday.
Woke up with a bad headache.... must be the cheap Christmas mulled wine the night before.... still, I manage to get to Tai Wai for cycling...
How long was my last cycling trip? Year 1?? Cant remember exactly...
Tai Wai, Tai Po, Tai Mei Tuk... and a surprise BBQ at night.... what more can I ask for? It's been joyful with you guys and gals. Miss you all.
Glad you like the presents ^^
It's about time to sleep.... tomorrow need to clear all files away....
=
It's been so long since I touched the camera...
I never know... the photos we took in Korea was still sitting there......
So sentimental...
I missed the smile.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Another unproductive day.
Well...
It's only the second week of my new post....
But it already seemed all work become some chores to me...
Is it too early to have such feeling? Or it's just the deadline chasing making me mad?
I dont know.
I enjoy the simplicity of PSU now...
=
Even though I was slacking off... I still manage to submit my first death report to coroner... with harsh criticism from boss(es) as usual... What do you want, boss?
"Tuberculosis is of course in the lungs, cross out the lungs from your report."
O well... for the medically naive, tuberculosis is infection of the respiratory system.... little did they know, tuberculosis have 10% infection rate in other organ as well, say bone, spleen etc.... the doctor put the remarks there for a reason...
"I have no idea why they did a surgery on the patient when the X-ray record showed no fracture, You go check if this is a possible medical malpractice and report."
Well... is it so hard to understand that X-ray do have its limitation and there's actually merit for 'explorative surgery'? If no problem, fine, close it up. If there's hairline fracture, screw a plate in and it's done.....
Should I have no medical background, maybe I will be much more happy in this post, so enlightened by the bosses' comments....
C'est la vive.
=
I'm looking forward to christmas already, though I've nothing to expect to...
I just need a break.
=
再痛也不說苦
愛不用抱歉來彌補
至少我能成全你的追逐
It's only the second week of my new post....
But it already seemed all work become some chores to me...
Is it too early to have such feeling? Or it's just the deadline chasing making me mad?
I dont know.
I enjoy the simplicity of PSU now...
=
Even though I was slacking off... I still manage to submit my first death report to coroner... with harsh criticism from boss(es) as usual... What do you want, boss?
"Tuberculosis is of course in the lungs, cross out the lungs from your report."
O well... for the medically naive, tuberculosis is infection of the respiratory system.... little did they know, tuberculosis have 10% infection rate in other organ as well, say bone, spleen etc.... the doctor put the remarks there for a reason...
"I have no idea why they did a surgery on the patient when the X-ray record showed no fracture, You go check if this is a possible medical malpractice and report."
Well... is it so hard to understand that X-ray do have its limitation and there's actually merit for 'explorative surgery'? If no problem, fine, close it up. If there's hairline fracture, screw a plate in and it's done.....
Should I have no medical background, maybe I will be much more happy in this post, so enlightened by the bosses' comments....
C'est la vive.
=
I'm looking forward to christmas already, though I've nothing to expect to...
I just need a break.
=
再痛也不說苦
愛不用抱歉來彌補
至少我能成全你的追逐
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Lunch at Stanley
Must have been ill these few days....
Sleeping for hours but still feel tired the whole day.
The problem was aggrevated by the 'cocktail' yesterday, at District Christmas lunch...
Since all bosses were out of town, I take the opportunity to procrastinate... kind of.... I'd rather clean my room and dug out all old files from the bottom of drawer than to work on the death report.... gosh....
=
Had a good lunch with colleagues at Murray House today... when walking at Stanley Main Street.... lots of memories came flowing back... this cold weather, is just like a year ago...
Sleeping for hours but still feel tired the whole day.
The problem was aggrevated by the 'cocktail' yesterday, at District Christmas lunch...
Since all bosses were out of town, I take the opportunity to procrastinate... kind of.... I'd rather clean my room and dug out all old files from the bottom of drawer than to work on the death report.... gosh....
=
Had a good lunch with colleagues at Murray House today... when walking at Stanley Main Street.... lots of memories came flowing back... this cold weather, is just like a year ago...
Being picked on by top boss...
I dont know.... is the submission really that bad? Or it's just your way to give hard time to new comer?
I'm sorry to inform you, the report that you received and diligently corrected, was not my work, it's the work from the former post-holder.... I thought you said his work is good.... I think so, but I had no idea in your eyes that's already good enough...
Really, no need to do such trick, just say what you want... afterall, you're the boss.
=
Finally.... get rid of all the dust in my office.
I have no idea for how long I will stay... but the condition was too bad to be even sitting in that room, when clusters of dust will float mid-air while you're concentrating...
It's surprise finding to see the police had spent well over hundreds of man hours on some miscellaneous, trivial matter..... the nature of my post?
=
Thought of you tonight.
Take care, it's getting cold.
And all the best in exam. Support you as always.
I dont know.... is the submission really that bad? Or it's just your way to give hard time to new comer?
I'm sorry to inform you, the report that you received and diligently corrected, was not my work, it's the work from the former post-holder.... I thought you said his work is good.... I think so, but I had no idea in your eyes that's already good enough...
Really, no need to do such trick, just say what you want... afterall, you're the boss.
=
Finally.... get rid of all the dust in my office.
I have no idea for how long I will stay... but the condition was too bad to be even sitting in that room, when clusters of dust will float mid-air while you're concentrating...
It's surprise finding to see the police had spent well over hundreds of man hours on some miscellaneous, trivial matter..... the nature of my post?
=
Thought of you tonight.
Take care, it's getting cold.
And all the best in exam. Support you as always.
Monday, December 20, 2010
My brother.
Suddenly.... realize I've seldomly written about my brother here....
Probably we did not see each other often enough, not that we're not close.... but just... living in two ends of world, each busy with their own agendas.... it's hard to feel connected at times....
Brother had come back home this week.... and it's good to have him around.
What should I say about him? Well, starting from physique, he's tall, well-built, with some tendency of centralized obesity, though he always insisted that was normal for a 32 years old.
We're quite different in some aspects, he's good in computer that he opted to work in that field for a living... I am, on the contrary, more interested in how the human body worked....
We shared the views in keeping fit, often sharing gym tips.... he's a good swimmer but I bet he cant run as fast as I can.....
We're both good in bed.... dont get me wrong, I mean we both can sleep for ages....
Canto pop, we share similiar views.... he's an apple user but not me... he's a globe trotter, partly because he had to teach in many countries.... that's good for him....
We do share a taste for good food.... we're good partner in "all-you-can-eat-buffet".... ever seen two buffalo grazing through the food stands, yup, that's probably us....
This few days had been spending with brother... here and there, shopping... it's really some quality time we had.
=
Got great news from James and Nest.... my best wishes ^^ I'm deeply honoured to know that~ Should there be anything I can help, just gimme a shout.
=
"Life's like a box of chocolate, you never know what you'll get"
Hopefully, very soon I will pick a milk chocolate, just like you said.
Probably we did not see each other often enough, not that we're not close.... but just... living in two ends of world, each busy with their own agendas.... it's hard to feel connected at times....
Brother had come back home this week.... and it's good to have him around.
What should I say about him? Well, starting from physique, he's tall, well-built, with some tendency of centralized obesity, though he always insisted that was normal for a 32 years old.
We're quite different in some aspects, he's good in computer that he opted to work in that field for a living... I am, on the contrary, more interested in how the human body worked....
We shared the views in keeping fit, often sharing gym tips.... he's a good swimmer but I bet he cant run as fast as I can.....
We're both good in bed.... dont get me wrong, I mean we both can sleep for ages....
Canto pop, we share similiar views.... he's an apple user but not me... he's a globe trotter, partly because he had to teach in many countries.... that's good for him....
We do share a taste for good food.... we're good partner in "all-you-can-eat-buffet".... ever seen two buffalo grazing through the food stands, yup, that's probably us....
This few days had been spending with brother... here and there, shopping... it's really some quality time we had.
=
Got great news from James and Nest.... my best wishes ^^ I'm deeply honoured to know that~ Should there be anything I can help, just gimme a shout.
=
"Life's like a box of chocolate, you never know what you'll get"
Hopefully, very soon I will pick a milk chocolate, just like you said.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
From datingish
今天聽了一個分享。
才發現愛情，原來遠比我想像中沉重。
我對愛情的了解，是多麼的膚淺。
我在想啊，到底我們戀愛，是不是只是一種自愛的表現。
我們到頭來，只愛自己，
所以我們之所以不斷要求對方為自己付出更多更多，
甚至視一切為應份。
「你愛我，你就應該怎樣怎樣....」
我們常說蜜月期過後，愛就淡了。
對方缺點多多，我們再容不下，
其實啊，我們到底期望找一個怎樣的伴侶？
有錢的？英俊漂亮的？但他不愛你又怎樣呢？你想要這樣一個伴侶嗎？
溫柔的？體貼的？細心的？但他卻是不上班的，你又覺得好嗎？
我們都明白，事實上我們不會找到一個完美的人，
人類啊，卻有時候連自己想要什麼都搞不清楚，
淡然一笑，原來啊...
這就是為何有些人窮大半生時間和精力，
都找不到心目中那個對的人。
現實裡面，我們所謂的白馬王子，
其實並沒有我們想像中那麼英勇，
也沒台劇韓劇男角那麼溫文優雅。
我們這一堆自以為矜貴的公主啊，
也沒童話中的小鳥依人可愛吸引。
可沒極高貴氣質和超善良的心地。
如此不完美的人像我們，卻竟敢在愛情裡吹毛求疵。
我才明白，一段蜜月期的結束，
才是兩個人真正開始了解對方的開端。
我們一直以為自己是怎樣怎樣的人，
卻一邊假設了對方就是我們心裡想像的怎樣怎樣一個樣子，
期望對方付出甚至做每做馬,,,卻怎樣都不滿足。
其實啊，我們連自己都不了解，卻自以為自己也了解對方。
當我老土也好，但這是好真實好真實的一個道理，
當你開展一段感情那一刻，你就要做好準備去接受他的一切。
你必須要有心理準備，你將會在這段感情最不如意的時候，
你才會慢慢發現自己，了解自己，也發現對方是怎樣，
然後慢慢開始真正認識他最醜陋卻最真實的一面。
我們都需要容許大家有成長的空間。
不要隨便跟一個你不愛的人拍拖。
因為你將會傷害他。
這個世界上沒有一種傷害能比情傷更能讓人痛之入骨。
那種傷害的程度，將會是你無法預計之深，
可能就讓對方從此不再相信愛情，
為他帶來影響他一輩子，甚至是讓他以後不能再幸福的後遺症。
或許他不敢再愛下一個了，或許他從此不嫁不娶了，
他的眼淚，為你流的一切一切，將讓他的人生，劃下一度永不磨滅的傷口。
如果你真的愛對方，那更加不要隨便跟對方開始，
請你考慮清楚，你是否無論如何不輕言分手？
你是否能保護他的心？不讓他受傷害之餘，你絕不成為傷害他的人？
因為一旦你跟對方開始一段關係，你就是最最最能傷害他最深的人。
這種傷，不用多，一次而已，就只是僅僅一次傷害，就夠讓他痛一輩子了。
你愛他的話，求你記住好好捧住他的心，那是易碎的玻璃，
一不小心，就會摔破，還會劃損自己，
你捨得嗎？你忍心嗎？那是你喜歡的小心肝，你怎麼忍心讓他心碎？
愛情，看起來，要擁有是多麼容易的事，
一般關係，要開始的話是多麼的即興。
我們就常常讓感覺牽著我們的鼻子走，
盲目地衝啊衝，卻忘了，這一股莫名的衝動，
背後藏著一個多麼能傷人的危機。
請不要讓自己的愛情陷入危險裡面，
那是，無論如何，你都輸不起的一種代價。
才發現愛情，原來遠比我想像中沉重。
我對愛情的了解，是多麼的膚淺。
我在想啊，到底我們戀愛，是不是只是一種自愛的表現。
我們到頭來，只愛自己，
所以我們之所以不斷要求對方為自己付出更多更多，
甚至視一切為應份。
「你愛我，你就應該怎樣怎樣....」
我們常說蜜月期過後，愛就淡了。
對方缺點多多，我們再容不下，
其實啊，我們到底期望找一個怎樣的伴侶？
有錢的？英俊漂亮的？但他不愛你又怎樣呢？你想要這樣一個伴侶嗎？
溫柔的？體貼的？細心的？但他卻是不上班的，你又覺得好嗎？
我們都明白，事實上我們不會找到一個完美的人，
人類啊，卻有時候連自己想要什麼都搞不清楚，
淡然一笑，原來啊...
這就是為何有些人窮大半生時間和精力，
都找不到心目中那個對的人。
現實裡面，我們所謂的白馬王子，
其實並沒有我們想像中那麼英勇，
也沒台劇韓劇男角那麼溫文優雅。
我們這一堆自以為矜貴的公主啊，
也沒童話中的小鳥依人可愛吸引。
可沒極高貴氣質和超善良的心地。
如此不完美的人像我們，卻竟敢在愛情裡吹毛求疵。
我才明白，一段蜜月期的結束，
才是兩個人真正開始了解對方的開端。
我們一直以為自己是怎樣怎樣的人，
卻一邊假設了對方就是我們心裡想像的怎樣怎樣一個樣子，
期望對方付出甚至做每做馬,,,卻怎樣都不滿足。
其實啊，我們連自己都不了解，卻自以為自己也了解對方。
當我老土也好，但這是好真實好真實的一個道理，
當你開展一段感情那一刻，你就要做好準備去接受他的一切。
你必須要有心理準備，你將會在這段感情最不如意的時候，
你才會慢慢發現自己，了解自己，也發現對方是怎樣，
然後慢慢開始真正認識他最醜陋卻最真實的一面。
我們都需要容許大家有成長的空間。
不要隨便跟一個你不愛的人拍拖。
因為你將會傷害他。
這個世界上沒有一種傷害能比情傷更能讓人痛之入骨。
那種傷害的程度，將會是你無法預計之深，
可能就讓對方從此不再相信愛情，
為他帶來影響他一輩子，甚至是讓他以後不能再幸福的後遺症。
或許他不敢再愛下一個了，或許他從此不嫁不娶了，
他的眼淚，為你流的一切一切，將讓他的人生，劃下一度永不磨滅的傷口。
如果你真的愛對方，那更加不要隨便跟對方開始，
請你考慮清楚，你是否無論如何不輕言分手？
你是否能保護他的心？不讓他受傷害之餘，你絕不成為傷害他的人？
因為一旦你跟對方開始一段關係，你就是最最最能傷害他最深的人。
這種傷，不用多，一次而已，就只是僅僅一次傷害，就夠讓他痛一輩子了。
你愛他的話，求你記住好好捧住他的心，那是易碎的玻璃，
一不小心，就會摔破，還會劃損自己，
你捨得嗎？你忍心嗎？那是你喜歡的小心肝，你怎麼忍心讓他心碎？
愛情，看起來，要擁有是多麼容易的事，
一般關係，要開始的話是多麼的即興。
我們就常常讓感覺牽著我們的鼻子走，
盲目地衝啊衝，卻忘了，這一股莫名的衝動，
背後藏著一個多麼能傷人的危機。
請不要讓自己的愛情陷入危險裡面，
那是，無論如何，你都輸不起的一種代價。
Friday, December 17, 2010
Motorcycling.
Sometimes.... work just don't go as well as planned.
Ideally, I should have finished the death report by now... but got interrupted by an urgent legal advice and two interim report.... am I too much of a control freak? Or have I became the same 'error-finder' as my last boss? But in truth.... they're sometimes careless in preparing paper and it's my ultimate responsibilities... it's a tough post as an inspector.
Got 'gist-up' by PC again.... have reminded the PC a couple of times to attend training but he still failed to... now require an explanination from top boss... what should i say, where there's no documentary proof? Fine, blame it on me again.
Lunch with Jo, who's kind enough to save me from my hellish room..... an hour without the thought of decomposing corpse.... sounds good.
Originally I thought when I ask a sergeat for the key post at my department it should be a lurcative offer.... but right, everybody do have their own problem... I can only wait and see.
Dinner with Jo and garfield, again.... It's good to meet you two tonight.
It's not such a good idea to go out on such a cold night, leave alone on a motorbike.... but still.... it's fun to be riding~
So tired now... time to sleep, another long day and tough battle await.
=
Brother is coming back in Hong Kong now... but still, I have yet to see him and talk...
=
Where.... did you go?
Where... did you hide?
Ideally, I should have finished the death report by now... but got interrupted by an urgent legal advice and two interim report.... am I too much of a control freak? Or have I became the same 'error-finder' as my last boss? But in truth.... they're sometimes careless in preparing paper and it's my ultimate responsibilities... it's a tough post as an inspector.
Got 'gist-up' by PC again.... have reminded the PC a couple of times to attend training but he still failed to... now require an explanination from top boss... what should i say, where there's no documentary proof? Fine, blame it on me again.
Lunch with Jo, who's kind enough to save me from my hellish room..... an hour without the thought of decomposing corpse.... sounds good.
Originally I thought when I ask a sergeat for the key post at my department it should be a lurcative offer.... but right, everybody do have their own problem... I can only wait and see.
Dinner with Jo and garfield, again.... It's good to meet you two tonight.
It's not such a good idea to go out on such a cold night, leave alone on a motorbike.... but still.... it's fun to be riding~
So tired now... time to sleep, another long day and tough battle await.
=
Brother is coming back in Hong Kong now... but still, I have yet to see him and talk...
=
Where.... did you go?
Where... did you hide?
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Third day.
I am a signing machine....
Only getting rid of the standard files took me almost the whole day.... Am I doing too much per file?
My upcoming death report submission will be due soon.... still have no idea where to start.... um.... bad.
Got ideas to improve on how the team works.... but there's a big obstacle for now... I need to ensure I will be the post holder for long term (ie. at least 6 to 8 months). Only with such stability, I can build the team around me, starting from my sergeant.
Issues among members of team is always the most troublesome.
Spent so much on the team today, lunch, snacks..... but it's going to paid off... I firmly believe.
Let's see how things go.
Tonight it's a wonderful dinner with Jeff and James... thanks for taking my burden.
=
Mind reading is always the hardest part... what do you think?
Only getting rid of the standard files took me almost the whole day.... Am I doing too much per file?
My upcoming death report submission will be due soon.... still have no idea where to start.... um.... bad.
Got ideas to improve on how the team works.... but there's a big obstacle for now... I need to ensure I will be the post holder for long term (ie. at least 6 to 8 months). Only with such stability, I can build the team around me, starting from my sergeant.
Issues among members of team is always the most troublesome.
Spent so much on the team today, lunch, snacks..... but it's going to paid off... I firmly believe.
Let's see how things go.
Tonight it's a wonderful dinner with Jeff and James... thanks for taking my burden.
=
Mind reading is always the hardest part... what do you think?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Second day...
It's only the second day in office.... I already felt burnt out like a Friday...
Most work's okay... just need to fix minor glitches and the team will roll again. But how long can this team last? The sergeant had a bounty on his head by big boss who want him dead (relax, only figuratively).... One staff will have promotion and another sought a better post nextdoor (serious, I do not object at all, i see it as the right path for him too).... Rebirth, through total destruction?
Workload is heavy.... the first drafted death report is some 50 pages.... no way.... now trimming it down, realistically, I want it within 20 pages...
First day to go off on time.... but went to a christmas gathering with the young offenders.... why on earth am I hanging out with them, especially when several of them were caught by my colleagues for all sorts of offence?
They're not bad at all... might have gone the wrong path, lacked self-confidence or just attention seeking... but still... it's too early to judge them... why not think of ways to help than crucifying them?
Just my thinking....
Most work's okay... just need to fix minor glitches and the team will roll again. But how long can this team last? The sergeant had a bounty on his head by big boss who want him dead (relax, only figuratively).... One staff will have promotion and another sought a better post nextdoor (serious, I do not object at all, i see it as the right path for him too).... Rebirth, through total destruction?
Workload is heavy.... the first drafted death report is some 50 pages.... no way.... now trimming it down, realistically, I want it within 20 pages...
First day to go off on time.... but went to a christmas gathering with the young offenders.... why on earth am I hanging out with them, especially when several of them were caught by my colleagues for all sorts of offence?
They're not bad at all... might have gone the wrong path, lacked self-confidence or just attention seeking... but still... it's too early to judge them... why not think of ways to help than crucifying them?
Just my thinking....
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Reborn at work.
First day at new office.
Finally know why I deserve such a large office.... if the walls are any closer, I'll have no hesitation in banging my head against them...
Gosh...
One whole day was spent understanding my new colleagues and their work, entertaining the bosses....
Another whole day was spent clearing the files.... yup, you heard it right, another whole day....
I literally spent 16 hours at work.... effective making one day into two....
So much to learn, but so little time....
Will submit my first report to Coroner soon.... Will I get 'black pig' from it??
Better not think too much about it.
As you said, BE POSITIVE... just one day or one week hardwork and I shall be a free man for the whole month..... Christmas, I'm coming~
=
Fell in love with 謝安琪 lately... 愛情預購...
Finally know why I deserve such a large office.... if the walls are any closer, I'll have no hesitation in banging my head against them...
Gosh...
One whole day was spent understanding my new colleagues and their work, entertaining the bosses....
Another whole day was spent clearing the files.... yup, you heard it right, another whole day....
I literally spent 16 hours at work.... effective making one day into two....
So much to learn, but so little time....
Will submit my first report to Coroner soon.... Will I get 'black pig' from it??
Better not think too much about it.
As you said, BE POSITIVE... just one day or one week hardwork and I shall be a free man for the whole month..... Christmas, I'm coming~
=
Fell in love with 謝安琪 lately... 愛情預購...
Monday, December 13, 2010
Deja vu?
Ever had this feeling?
Spending time day and night on the same person... only to realize that you know nothing about that person?
Just a glance, a word. And you knew the person like an old friend.
Maybe... karma do exist...
My head got wandering in the religious world again.
=
How you do things doesnt matter, as long as you know you are doing the right thing.
Spending time day and night on the same person... only to realize that you know nothing about that person?
Just a glance, a word. And you knew the person like an old friend.
Maybe... karma do exist...
My head got wandering in the religious world again.
=
How you do things doesnt matter, as long as you know you are doing the right thing.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Lovely Dinner
First Saturday off in ages... thanks so much to my new post.
Thank you for the invitation to your house party, it's been great.
Interesting attendee:
1) the homeowner, well-paid but with nothing to do, self-proclaimed artist, nail painter (should I add "nail crusher"?)
2) the linguist and rapper
3) World-travelling and still have abundant vacation leave, good chef and singer
4) Me... the average one.
5) Guitarist, photographer and the mind reader
6) the model and princess?
7) the tough one and the guardian
Great cuisine... learned how to cook tasty risotto and mustard chicken.
Lots of joy and laughters, good music, great performance..... what more can I ask for?
Yes, maybe one.... Let's meet again soon. Merry Christmas everyone.
=
Received a package the night before.... it took almost 2 months to arrive... my heart sink when I see the content, coz you're no longer here...
Will you receive it if I send it to you?
=
Is it autumn? or Winter?
Thank you for the invitation to your house party, it's been great.
Interesting attendee:
1) the homeowner, well-paid but with nothing to do, self-proclaimed artist, nail painter (should I add "nail crusher"?)
2) the linguist and rapper
3) World-travelling and still have abundant vacation leave, good chef and singer
4) Me... the average one.
5) Guitarist, photographer and the mind reader
6) the model and princess?
7) the tough one and the guardian
Great cuisine... learned how to cook tasty risotto and mustard chicken.
Lots of joy and laughters, good music, great performance..... what more can I ask for?
Yes, maybe one.... Let's meet again soon. Merry Christmas everyone.
=
Received a package the night before.... it took almost 2 months to arrive... my heart sink when I see the content, coz you're no longer here...
Will you receive it if I send it to you?
=
Is it autumn? or Winter?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Pachelbel Canon
The Original
Rock style
Pachelbel Canon is one of my favourite classical piece... oh... did i say classical?
Friday, December 10, 2010
What a day.
Even before I took my seat at the office, I was summoned to appear before the bosses...
They broke news to me that I am about to be 'on loan' to MESU (and more likely transferred....)
I am going from one end of hell to the other end (of hell)....
My current boss is a human error-spotting machine.... she's a gentle one....
My future boss is the same make, only more harsh...
My preceedent can not take his style and opted to move to another post....
What will be my end?
=
MESUC... should be a post many longed for...
Five days work, 9 till 5... should be good...
Why did my mind still feel sad?
If this job come 3 months earlier... will it change everything?
If I can see you everynight...
Will you, make a totally different decision at that time?
They broke news to me that I am about to be 'on loan' to MESU (and more likely transferred....)
I am going from one end of hell to the other end (of hell)....
My current boss is a human error-spotting machine.... she's a gentle one....
My future boss is the same make, only more harsh...
My preceedent can not take his style and opted to move to another post....
What will be my end?
=
MESUC... should be a post many longed for...
Five days work, 9 till 5... should be good...
Why did my mind still feel sad?
If this job come 3 months earlier... will it change everything?
If I can see you everynight...
Will you, make a totally different decision at that time?
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Study Syndrome?
Knowing that you are not alone, will this make you feel better?
Probably... you're once again, having the nerves about exam?
Take easy. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Hope everything goes well for you.
Probably... you're once again, having the nerves about exam?
Take easy. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Hope everything goes well for you.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Still... unknown.
Again, a day at work without much progress.
The deadline is looming closer and closer, but yet... little can be done... work from a month ago was still piled... especially when the standard is raised, things were so different...
Five reprints for a one page letter? Fonts, margins, font style, size and centering? I now get the experience to work as an editor in a printing press already... I dunno... as long as it works.
Been interviewed by boss today. Was in no mood to package my answers. I told all truths about this job. Got some feedbacks, and as expectedly, followed by a long lecture... currently, inelastic is the term for me... i aint gonna stretch much because you demand me to, but i can reassure you my effort will be at my 120%... what's the point of driving me, and my boys nuts?
=
給你:
不知你為何有此決定,但人大了,身上擔子越重,這也是不爭的事實…
在可瘋狂時做盡瘋狂事,成為朋輩的話題人物當然是成就,
但生活總不會是每天像颳風—樣,千變萬化。
學懂中庸之道,靜下來時數算自己已得的,所經歷的,
心中仍然懷著夢想,就是停下來,也只是為未來打好基礎…
只要知道目標在那,又何必急於一時半刻?
好好照顧身體,未來的旅程可多著呢~
共勉之。
P.S. 能見你走出迷思真好…你也啓發了我,又是時候將我積在心底的to do list整理—下了~
"微笑行動"的義工牙醫…好像跟我走近了一步。
The deadline is looming closer and closer, but yet... little can be done... work from a month ago was still piled... especially when the standard is raised, things were so different...
Five reprints for a one page letter? Fonts, margins, font style, size and centering? I now get the experience to work as an editor in a printing press already... I dunno... as long as it works.
Been interviewed by boss today. Was in no mood to package my answers. I told all truths about this job. Got some feedbacks, and as expectedly, followed by a long lecture... currently, inelastic is the term for me... i aint gonna stretch much because you demand me to, but i can reassure you my effort will be at my 120%... what's the point of driving me, and my boys nuts?
=
給你:
不知你為何有此決定,但人大了,身上擔子越重,這也是不爭的事實…
在可瘋狂時做盡瘋狂事,成為朋輩的話題人物當然是成就,
但生活總不會是每天像颳風—樣,千變萬化。
學懂中庸之道,靜下來時數算自己已得的,所經歷的,
心中仍然懷著夢想,就是停下來,也只是為未來打好基礎…
只要知道目標在那,又何必急於一時半刻?
好好照顧身體,未來的旅程可多著呢~
共勉之。
P.S. 能見你走出迷思真好…你也啓發了我,又是時候將我積在心底的to do list整理—下了~
"微笑行動"的義工牙醫…好像跟我走近了一步。
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Dreams
If dream is a vessel...
After so many voyages, you should have know a bit more of me...
Or.... are they lost now? Just like my heart?
After so many voyages, you should have know a bit more of me...
Or.... are they lost now? Just like my heart?
Anxiety Disorder...
I use to think that I am okay when dealing with stress.... but it ended up that I really am not...
I will now check and recheck every documents prior to their submission... editing and reprinting everything..... even when they're submitted I get nervous, fearing my office phone will ring at any time.... to be summoned for correction.....
You call this normal? My humble salary mean I got to bare all these stress?
I dont know....
=
Motorcycle lesson today...
Not a bad feeling... at least I'm still alive...
=
"The social network" tonight.... It's been a while since I saw movie with such tension, no action, mostly pure dialogue.... but intense.
"You're not an asshole. You're just trying so hard to be."
Interesting pharse.... time to repent?
=
Finally.... I got the gift that I was looking for.... but.... circumstances changed... I'm nobody now.
I will now check and recheck every documents prior to their submission... editing and reprinting everything..... even when they're submitted I get nervous, fearing my office phone will ring at any time.... to be summoned for correction.....
You call this normal? My humble salary mean I got to bare all these stress?
I dont know....
=
Motorcycle lesson today...
Not a bad feeling... at least I'm still alive...
=
"The social network" tonight.... It's been a while since I saw movie with such tension, no action, mostly pure dialogue.... but intense.
"You're not an asshole. You're just trying so hard to be."
Interesting pharse.... time to repent?
=
Finally.... I got the gift that I was looking for.... but.... circumstances changed... I'm nobody now.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Blessing or Curse?
Nothing is a coincidence...
Do you call it luck? Whenever I am on duty the radio quiet down...
Nothing.... just absolutely nothing....
A shift, B shift and C shift...
Even when there're major inciden in Aberdeen lately, they fall on my off day or other shift....
I am getting bored...
Am I heading the right direction?
Do you call it luck? Whenever I am on duty the radio quiet down...
Nothing.... just absolutely nothing....
A shift, B shift and C shift...
Even when there're major inciden in Aberdeen lately, they fall on my off day or other shift....
I am getting bored...
Am I heading the right direction?
名校教了我什麼 — 女校生的反思
明報專訊
直資名校被揭發一大堆混帳，那部古老幻燈片機就在我的腦袋開動不斷重播我的中學校園片段，晃眼已是十多年前的泛黃舊事。
我的母校，是港島區一家有逾百年歷史的女校，人稱「老牌名校」、「貴族學校」。我曾經為自己能夠入讀這樣的名校感到無比自豪，因為我們一班女生，既能說流利英語、又懂得吃西餐禮儀、亦能夠淡定自信於人前表現自己，根本唔將隔籬學校著旗袍紮孖辮的四眼妹放在眼內。
直至我做了記者，我才發現，所謂名校生獨有的自信、傲氣，還有世故、現實，跟那隻只懂呱呱叫的井底之蛙，沒太大分別。
八九六四那年，我在魚涌一間街坊中文小學讀小五。我是班長，自發貼了大堆剪報，發起同學手纏黑布。翌年六四1周年如是，我還記得我們和班主任一起哭。
1991年，我被派到那所名女校升中一，班主任比我更興奮，我卻戰戰兢兢。
我被編入全級最top的A班，噩夢開始——老師上課全講雞腸我聽唔明、英文堂默生字我無個寫得出、原校小學升上來的個個都已埋堆唔受我玩，和我一樣的外來生全班只有五六人，她們不是半唐番就是英文小學出身，來自中文小學的好像只我一個。
同窗：我唔想自己中文咁叻
中文堂，成為我的避難所，也是我唯一找回點點信心的課堂。可惜，我的同學都看不起中文，反而為自己中文成績遜於英文而感「自豪」。我很記得，中二那年我的同窗中文測驗全班最高分，她放學時卻苦瓜乾面口道﹕「我唔想自己中文咁叻，我要英文勁呀。」
不單我的同學，後過渡期年代的修女校長，也不將中文放在眼內。中三起我加入中文辯論隊，校方對我們的重視遠不及英文辯論，我的大師姐隊員都是高材生，閒談時笑道﹕「校長唔理我仲好，輸都無壓力。」據說，修女校長的臉孔在回歸後180度轉變，小師妹通風報訊，Sister近年經常強調要向北望學好普通話，轉直資後又花大筆錢裝修搞個什麼孔子學堂，希望girls都要學好中國文化。
名校，就是如此現實。它貫輸的價值觀是七個字——識時務者為俊傑。不單校長，老師、同學，都很懂得做人——做一個成功的主流香港人，當然離不開一個錢字。
名校價值：識時務者為俊傑
我的同學，家住干德道司徒拔道，每天司機駕勞斯萊斯定時定候接送。中二那年，富家女邀請我到她的大潭複式洋房，我到今天仍記得那個無敵大海景。那晚，我回到數百方呎的舊樓——我的家，感到前所未有的自卑。
同學雖然有錢，但她們不算show off——應該說，她們由開口講英文到言談間展現個人長處，是骨子裏自然流露的自信，外人覺得她們「寸」、「扮」，但那其實是她們是獨有的上流社會溝通方式、貴族間的溝通密碼。午飯鐘響，校園是中英夾雜的喧鬧、好動女生在球場打英式netball而非籃球羽毛球、貪靚的討論暑假去歐洲買什麼名牌。沒有人會談六四，也懶理香港回歸將至。
我當年自覺格格不入，這幾天我不停思考，這個年代獲獎學金的窮學生，入到直資學校後，可有當年我的自卑、孤單？
年輕的我用了半年時間，流了很多淚水、開了多晚通宵，就全程投入校園生活，學懂說美國口音英文、不怕在堂上舉手答問題、在同學面前不再害羞，我學會了如何做個presentable的名校生。我的成績由包尾變成中等，更獲頒全年進步獎。我開始享受校園生活，和我的富家同學一起溫習看戲談天說笑。我享受自己被標籤成「A班精英」，有名人來校探訪，校長只會把他帶到我們A班；朗讀話劇跳舞我們A班都拿冠軍；老師最疼惜的又是我們A班。
勝王敗寇的遊戲規則
名校的遊戲規則是「精英制」，你入了A班、到獎，就是精英中的精英，如盛放牡丹成眾人焦點，其他班別的同學，只是你的綠葉。名校精英制，簡單來說是套用職場遊戲規則——勝者為王敗者為寇，職場的上位伎倆，名校生早在少年十五二十時就學懂——懂得識時務、懂看人眉頭眼額、懂把握機會表現自己長處。但少女含苞待放的天真純情，去了哪兒？年輕人對社會的熱血，為什麼丁點都不見？
中六那年，我被同學選了當Head Girl（雖然我不是會考狀元）。那年我18歲，成年了，看到所謂名校生、我的同學師妹，很多人雖然表面自信家境富裕，但其實心靈空虛，有的放學流連百貨公司不願回家、有的故意不穿整齊校服引人注意。我將我的發現告訴校長老師，希望他們多花時間關心同學，而非一味叫她們參加比賽幫學校獎。
結果我被大，更被視為最不聽話的Head Girl。
10多年了，如今，我不少中學同學都很有成就，有的是某某大公司主管、有的嫁了有錢人錦上添花。數月前，在婚宴重遇昔日的A班同學，她們說起自己的職業、老公、子女，當年班房裏的自信又再呈現，表現自己似乎是名校生的終身任務。
可是，我已不再是A班那個小薯仔，我不想再追隨A班大隊了。
離開名校投身記者工作後，我看到世界之大，不是只有干德道豪宅、生活也不是只有名牌獎、做人的價值也不是只懂得看人眉頭眼額。世界之大、胸襟之廣，是即使我們家住干德道，也知道香港有個地方叫深水有很多板間房；即使我們追逐名利，也關心世界大事懂得分辨是非黑白，而非趨炎附勢。
倒模生產典型香港人
教育的終極目標，是訓練每個人的獨立思考、批判思想。但名校在這方面做到幾多？名校最成功的，是它大批倒模生產一個個典型香港人——實際、精叻、識上位、識表現自己。但更深層的價值——真、善、美，名校又教了幾多？
這個每個名校生都應思考的問題。
後記
我不憎恨我的母校，畢竟它教曉我很多實際的。到今天我最好的朋友，都是和我背景類近的中學同學。雖然她們不讀報、不關心時事，但都有一顆溫柔的心。我預科時的中文老師是我最尊敬的人，也是我的死黨。
寫這篇文章，是希望香港人不要盲目貪慕名牌。所謂名校的教育理念，你作為家長是否認同？更重要的，是你希望學校教曉你的子女什麼？
而我最希望，香港出色的窮學生與富學生，都有平等機會入讀優質學校，這卻是我對直資概念的最大質疑。
文 蘆葦
編輯 屈曉彤、劉逸芝
[We never question our values. We just know how to be proud of them.]
What's wrong with that? If you're enjoying it, proud of it, will you question the value?
直資名校被揭發一大堆混帳，那部古老幻燈片機就在我的腦袋開動不斷重播我的中學校園片段，晃眼已是十多年前的泛黃舊事。
我的母校，是港島區一家有逾百年歷史的女校，人稱「老牌名校」、「貴族學校」。我曾經為自己能夠入讀這樣的名校感到無比自豪，因為我們一班女生，既能說流利英語、又懂得吃西餐禮儀、亦能夠淡定自信於人前表現自己，根本唔將隔籬學校著旗袍紮孖辮的四眼妹放在眼內。
直至我做了記者，我才發現，所謂名校生獨有的自信、傲氣，還有世故、現實，跟那隻只懂呱呱叫的井底之蛙，沒太大分別。
八九六四那年，我在魚涌一間街坊中文小學讀小五。我是班長，自發貼了大堆剪報，發起同學手纏黑布。翌年六四1周年如是，我還記得我們和班主任一起哭。
1991年，我被派到那所名女校升中一，班主任比我更興奮，我卻戰戰兢兢。
我被編入全級最top的A班，噩夢開始——老師上課全講雞腸我聽唔明、英文堂默生字我無個寫得出、原校小學升上來的個個都已埋堆唔受我玩，和我一樣的外來生全班只有五六人，她們不是半唐番就是英文小學出身，來自中文小學的好像只我一個。
同窗：我唔想自己中文咁叻
中文堂，成為我的避難所，也是我唯一找回點點信心的課堂。可惜，我的同學都看不起中文，反而為自己中文成績遜於英文而感「自豪」。我很記得，中二那年我的同窗中文測驗全班最高分，她放學時卻苦瓜乾面口道﹕「我唔想自己中文咁叻，我要英文勁呀。」
不單我的同學，後過渡期年代的修女校長，也不將中文放在眼內。中三起我加入中文辯論隊，校方對我們的重視遠不及英文辯論，我的大師姐隊員都是高材生，閒談時笑道﹕「校長唔理我仲好，輸都無壓力。」據說，修女校長的臉孔在回歸後180度轉變，小師妹通風報訊，Sister近年經常強調要向北望學好普通話，轉直資後又花大筆錢裝修搞個什麼孔子學堂，希望girls都要學好中國文化。
名校，就是如此現實。它貫輸的價值觀是七個字——識時務者為俊傑。不單校長，老師、同學，都很懂得做人——做一個成功的主流香港人，當然離不開一個錢字。
名校價值：識時務者為俊傑
我的同學，家住干德道司徒拔道，每天司機駕勞斯萊斯定時定候接送。中二那年，富家女邀請我到她的大潭複式洋房，我到今天仍記得那個無敵大海景。那晚，我回到數百方呎的舊樓——我的家，感到前所未有的自卑。
同學雖然有錢，但她們不算show off——應該說，她們由開口講英文到言談間展現個人長處，是骨子裏自然流露的自信，外人覺得她們「寸」、「扮」，但那其實是她們是獨有的上流社會溝通方式、貴族間的溝通密碼。午飯鐘響，校園是中英夾雜的喧鬧、好動女生在球場打英式netball而非籃球羽毛球、貪靚的討論暑假去歐洲買什麼名牌。沒有人會談六四，也懶理香港回歸將至。
我當年自覺格格不入，這幾天我不停思考，這個年代獲獎學金的窮學生，入到直資學校後，可有當年我的自卑、孤單？
年輕的我用了半年時間，流了很多淚水、開了多晚通宵，就全程投入校園生活，學懂說美國口音英文、不怕在堂上舉手答問題、在同學面前不再害羞，我學會了如何做個presentable的名校生。我的成績由包尾變成中等，更獲頒全年進步獎。我開始享受校園生活，和我的富家同學一起溫習看戲談天說笑。我享受自己被標籤成「A班精英」，有名人來校探訪，校長只會把他帶到我們A班；朗讀話劇跳舞我們A班都拿冠軍；老師最疼惜的又是我們A班。
勝王敗寇的遊戲規則
名校的遊戲規則是「精英制」，你入了A班、到獎，就是精英中的精英，如盛放牡丹成眾人焦點，其他班別的同學，只是你的綠葉。名校精英制，簡單來說是套用職場遊戲規則——勝者為王敗者為寇，職場的上位伎倆，名校生早在少年十五二十時就學懂——懂得識時務、懂看人眉頭眼額、懂把握機會表現自己長處。但少女含苞待放的天真純情，去了哪兒？年輕人對社會的熱血，為什麼丁點都不見？
中六那年，我被同學選了當Head Girl（雖然我不是會考狀元）。那年我18歲，成年了，看到所謂名校生、我的同學師妹，很多人雖然表面自信家境富裕，但其實心靈空虛，有的放學流連百貨公司不願回家、有的故意不穿整齊校服引人注意。我將我的發現告訴校長老師，希望他們多花時間關心同學，而非一味叫她們參加比賽幫學校獎。
結果我被大，更被視為最不聽話的Head Girl。
10多年了，如今，我不少中學同學都很有成就，有的是某某大公司主管、有的嫁了有錢人錦上添花。數月前，在婚宴重遇昔日的A班同學，她們說起自己的職業、老公、子女，當年班房裏的自信又再呈現，表現自己似乎是名校生的終身任務。
可是，我已不再是A班那個小薯仔，我不想再追隨A班大隊了。
離開名校投身記者工作後，我看到世界之大，不是只有干德道豪宅、生活也不是只有名牌獎、做人的價值也不是只懂得看人眉頭眼額。世界之大、胸襟之廣，是即使我們家住干德道，也知道香港有個地方叫深水有很多板間房；即使我們追逐名利，也關心世界大事懂得分辨是非黑白，而非趨炎附勢。
倒模生產典型香港人
教育的終極目標，是訓練每個人的獨立思考、批判思想。但名校在這方面做到幾多？名校最成功的，是它大批倒模生產一個個典型香港人——實際、精叻、識上位、識表現自己。但更深層的價值——真、善、美，名校又教了幾多？
這個每個名校生都應思考的問題。
後記
我不憎恨我的母校，畢竟它教曉我很多實際的。到今天我最好的朋友，都是和我背景類近的中學同學。雖然她們不讀報、不關心時事，但都有一顆溫柔的心。我預科時的中文老師是我最尊敬的人，也是我的死黨。
寫這篇文章，是希望香港人不要盲目貪慕名牌。所謂名校的教育理念，你作為家長是否認同？更重要的，是你希望學校教曉你的子女什麼？
而我最希望，香港出色的窮學生與富學生，都有平等機會入讀優質學校，這卻是我對直資概念的最大質疑。
文 蘆葦
編輯 屈曉彤、劉逸芝
[We never question our values. We just know how to be proud of them.]
What's wrong with that? If you're enjoying it, proud of it, will you question the value?
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Saturday, December 04, 2010
My niece.
Work's still like crap.... I'd rather not think too much about it.
Went to sister's place tonight.... finally met my adorable and lovely niece... She's such a sleep beauty.
Sis is now living in such a cozy environment at Ma Wan.... the place reminds me of Toronto with a trace of moderness of Tokyo.... shame it's really so far away...
Seeing Sis taking care of her daughter.... with so much effort, so many sleepless night... is it really worth it? I thought of you, you maybe right, at certain stage, this aint a logical choice at all.
But when I see the satisfying smile on Sis and her husband.... I seems to know why. It's so magical.
Went to sister's place tonight.... finally met my adorable and lovely niece... She's such a sleep beauty.
Sis is now living in such a cozy environment at Ma Wan.... the place reminds me of Toronto with a trace of moderness of Tokyo.... shame it's really so far away...
Seeing Sis taking care of her daughter.... with so much effort, so many sleepless night... is it really worth it? I thought of you, you maybe right, at certain stage, this aint a logical choice at all.
But when I see the satisfying smile on Sis and her husband.... I seems to know why. It's so magical.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
HIO
Whilst compiling file on HIO today, I noticed even mentally unsuitable for the job can be classified as Health impaired officer too.... guess I'm already one...
I hate so much to pop back to office on hours where I should obviously be off and relaxing at home... Cant help but think is it really worth it?
I need a break, a nice long break from all these...
P.S. Seeing someone do it is so different than what you will experience... but still... it's good to see you having such passion.
I hate so much to pop back to office on hours where I should obviously be off and relaxing at home... Cant help but think is it really worth it?
I need a break, a nice long break from all these...
P.S. Seeing someone do it is so different than what you will experience... but still... it's good to see you having such passion.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Book store...
It's been so long I can find a weekday afternoon for a tour in bookstore...
Got a few books that I always wanted...
If you like the writer, there is a high likelyhood that you share the same value with the writer...
I want to get to know you.
Got a few books that I always wanted...
If you like the writer, there is a high likelyhood that you share the same value with the writer...
I want to get to know you.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Hierarchy of Needs.
Using Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Theory,
I am still living in the second lowest level....
I can only barely take care of my physiological needs....
But I feel a lack of security over my safety, especially the job.... the source comes from no one else by my boss.....
Yes, my love life is screwed and there's little esteem left in me....
Self-actualization? You must be joking.
What must I do? I have even volunteered for other duties, only if I can get away from the boss....
Gosh... this part of life is getting ugly.
I am still living in the second lowest level....I can only barely take care of my physiological needs....
But I feel a lack of security over my safety, especially the job.... the source comes from no one else by my boss.....
Yes, my love life is screwed and there's little esteem left in me....
Self-actualization? You must be joking.
What must I do? I have even volunteered for other duties, only if I can get away from the boss....
Gosh... this part of life is getting ugly.
Avoid anger and rage.
New boss, new way of doing things...
But in such short amount of time... I was tested to my limits.... again and again...
I must constantly remind myself to hold my anger... as it's leading me nowhere...
It's easier said than done...
Once, I have faith in this boss... I believed that I gave up my plan and stayed...
Now... Shall I be on my way, again?
Is this job worthy of all my sacrifices?
But in such short amount of time... I was tested to my limits.... again and again...
I must constantly remind myself to hold my anger... as it's leading me nowhere...
It's easier said than done...
Once, I have faith in this boss... I believed that I gave up my plan and stayed...
Now... Shall I be on my way, again?
Is this job worthy of all my sacrifices?
Monday, November 29, 2010
Gym
Flexisexual - person of flexible sexual orientation. Whereas they flirt with and try to attract both sexes, yet refuses to identify as bisexual. This person will constantly alter which gender they are more attracted to.
I did not believe at first. But on second thought... everyone is entitled to a little fun, isnt it? It's all different time and viewpoint...
-
Finally... got file I totally have no idea on... It's been sitting there for almost 2 months on my desk... must face it when I finish my course this 3 days.
Great gym tonight... so exhausted... but yet, physical pain is always tolerable...
I did not believe at first. But on second thought... everyone is entitled to a little fun, isnt it? It's all different time and viewpoint...
-
Finally... got file I totally have no idea on... It's been sitting there for almost 2 months on my desk... must face it when I finish my course this 3 days.
Great gym tonight... so exhausted... but yet, physical pain is always tolerable...
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
If life's a cycle.
If life is a cycle...
I'm trapped deep in a repetition...
I've found you, you gave me hope...
I set a goal to do well, such that you can have a good life...
Did not realize that's not the priority at all...
You're gone...
My life's in despair...
The goal stands for nothing...
I lost faith in everything...
I think of ways to escape...
Now... all these is so familiar...
Can I broke lose of this chain? At least for once?
I'm trapped deep in a repetition...
I've found you, you gave me hope...
I set a goal to do well, such that you can have a good life...
Did not realize that's not the priority at all...
You're gone...
My life's in despair...
The goal stands for nothing...
I lost faith in everything...
I think of ways to escape...
Now... all these is so familiar...
Can I broke lose of this chain? At least for once?
Friday, November 26, 2010
Good Memories.
Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free.
Nothing else matter other than you and me,
So tell me why can't it be?
Please let me live my life my way, why do you push me away?
I don't want nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody but you.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
乞丐
你地班乞衣,
明知唔夠料,
都硬要拉個乞衣番嚟,
告佢做乞衣,
搞到我要左乞右乞,
響你班乞衣口中,
揾D乞衣料嚟落charge,
做到我成個乞衣咁,
簡直令人燥底…
你地係咪真係咁乞衣到
要撈D咁乞衣嘅乞衣case呀?
唔係你地,我駛鬼十點先搞掂facts,
番屋企食份乞衣三文治…仲要凍嘅~
正乞衣!!!
P.S. 今天對乞衣耐了…人也自然的變乞衣了。
明知唔夠料,
都硬要拉個乞衣番嚟,
告佢做乞衣,
搞到我要左乞右乞,
響你班乞衣口中,
揾D乞衣料嚟落charge,
做到我成個乞衣咁,
簡直令人燥底…
你地係咪真係咁乞衣到
要撈D咁乞衣嘅乞衣case呀?
唔係你地,我駛鬼十點先搞掂facts,
番屋企食份乞衣三文治…仲要凍嘅~
正乞衣!!!
P.S. 今天對乞衣耐了…人也自然的變乞衣了。
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Good and Bad of work.
Life and work still drag on this few days.
Experienced both good and bad of work today...
Good part... reconcile with my ex-SSGT today... maybe without the conflicts from work, things can be easy... even great... He's a nice guy as to give me plenty of advice...
Bad part... sadly, comes from my boss.... new boss, new style. When adapting to a new environment, 20% effort is from new job/duties, where 80% is from adapting to the new boss.... currently despite I've spent my full effort I am still not at her 'standard'...
I can understand why Kennon told me his agony when the most important parts of every document were 1. Font, 2. Font size, 3. Margin, 4. punctuation....
I can feel it myself too.
Experienced both good and bad of work today...
Good part... reconcile with my ex-SSGT today... maybe without the conflicts from work, things can be easy... even great... He's a nice guy as to give me plenty of advice...
Bad part... sadly, comes from my boss.... new boss, new style. When adapting to a new environment, 20% effort is from new job/duties, where 80% is from adapting to the new boss.... currently despite I've spent my full effort I am still not at her 'standard'...
I can understand why Kennon told me his agony when the most important parts of every document were 1. Font, 2. Font size, 3. Margin, 4. punctuation....
I can feel it myself too.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Another sleepless night.
I feel bad...
It takes no time to fall in love...
But it takes you years to know what love is...
It takes no time to fall in love...
But it takes you years to know what love is...
50 days.
It's been 50 days already.
What changed?
My heartache havent eased a bit.
Your face, your scent is still in my memory, vividly.
Tell me... what must I do?
What changed?
My heartache havent eased a bit.
Your face, your scent is still in my memory, vividly.
Tell me... what must I do?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
《如果我答應求婚》 - 王迪詩
二十歲那年，有人向我求婚。
那是一個寒冷的冬夜。我們在中環大會堂聽完音樂會，在寒風中散步到尚未遷走的天星碼頭。我專挑異常寒冷的夜晚乘渡海小輪，要冷就要冷到盡才算過癮。他卻突然停住了腳步。我回頭一看，只見他雙手插在大衣口袋，不知何故十分激動。「可以嫁給我嗎？」他說。
我看著雙眼有點濕潤的他，忽然覺得自己很像小說Girl, Interrupted 那被關進精神病院的女主角。她用盡方法仍無法逃出精神病院，卻因為有人向她求婚，馬上放了。Hey, wait，為什麼我在這個可能改寫下半生的緊要關頭，仍非要想那些不切實際的小說情節不可？我就是那種死到臨頭，仍會把自己躺在棺材的畫面當成電影來看，終日胡思亂想的無聊人。真要命。
我在腦子裏重複了一遍他的問題，然後翻開日曆，確定那天並不是愚人節，也不是盂蘭節。「你要我──嫁──給──你，是嗎？」他重重的點頭。
「Tempting. But no.」我說。然後繼續向前走。
＊ ＊ ＊
好幾年後一個冬夜，我在中環大會堂聽完音樂會，沿門外那道長廊步行離去，忽然想起很久以前曾經有人在這裏向我求婚。那次以後，我就再也沒有發過市。
我那二十六個plan 全都是靠不住的小混混，風花雪月是可以的，卻沒有一個可以付託終身。假如當年那個在寒夜裏凝視我的男人，就是我這輩子唯一願意娶我的人，我當年豈不是毀掉了嫁人的唯一希望？
回想起來，那時他三十歲，已經有了事業基礎。家教良好，拉得一手很捧的大提琴，穿衣品味也相當不俗。條件那麼優越的男人，地球上還剩幾個？我怎能讓這黃金機會白白從指縫間溜走？我問自己：王迪詩，假如上天讓你回到過去，再揀一次，你會答應求婚嗎？
我經過千分之一秒的深切反省，答案是「No」。我再問自己：假如那是Philip 呢？
Well, in that case，也許我會答應吧，我不能確定。然後我想起那次Philip 到我家來，我們默默地站在陽台看蘭開夏道的風景，他遞給我一個繫絲帶的小盒子。打開來看，是一朵淡紫灰色薄紗做的玫瑰，花蕊是兩顆小巧含蓄的珍珠，是個束馬尾用的髮飾。「我想，也許你今年會喜歡束馬尾。」他說。我是真的感動了，甚至有股衝動想緊緊地抱住他。但當我抬起頭來看見Philip 欲言又止的模樣，我又忽然有點害怕，我怕我這輩子無法再離開這個男人。
我轉身離去了。
在那種要緊的關頭，我總是無法再踏前一步。有時候，我懷疑我心裏總是想念Philip，是因為我從未跟他開始過，那讓我心中暗暗有種忐忑的喜悅。為了一次又一次得到這份喜悅，我有心無意地把他引誘到情感的臨界點，然後在他準備越過臨界點那一刻轉身離去。
最初發現自己可能正在從事這種勾當，我首先驚訝自己的手段居然如此高明，接心裏湧起了一陣內疚感。After all，我是個盜亦有道的女人。但當我想到Philip 說不定也在從事相同的勾當，他對我的若即若離，說不定也是把我引誘到臨界點的策略呢。想到這裏，我心裏的內疚感又一掃而光了。
與此同時，我無法忍受停頓，我總是有意無意地逃避安穩。假如那夜我沒有在Philip 面前轉身離去，也許我們已經開始了。然後拍拖、結婚、生仔，像大部分人那樣花半生積蓄買來房子、期待年終花紅、緊盯菲傭不要偷懶、每年暑假帶孩子歐遊。假如我願意的話，也許我也能像大部分人那樣，得到一般人的幸福。我像所有人一樣需要安全感。然而不管是當年向我求婚的男人，是Philip 還是任何人，我依然無法逃避我心底裏的問題──那就是我一直追求的人生嗎？
我是個任性又倔強的人，而且拒絕反省，看見棺材也不流眼淚。儘管沒有害人之心，但總體而言非常自私。經常滿腦子鬼主意，卻不願辛勞地把那些主意付諸實行。但即使無可救藥如我，依然無法欺騙自己去過一個根本不是我想要的人生。
那麼，我想要的又是什麼？
小時候看書，我總是狼吞虎嚥地沉迷追看。待同學們問我故事的結局，我才發現原來自己根本不知結局。我總是把最後十多頁略去，急不及待跳到另一本新書。
我在閱讀中得到極大的驚喜，而我永遠都在期待更大的驚喜。不管手上這本書如何有趣，我總是來不及看完結局就忍不住問──是否還有更精彩的？吸引我的並非結局，而是歷險，是歷險的過程。
直至今天，我看書依然有「略去結局」的傾向。雖然長大後覺得為了尊重作者，還是把書正正經經的讀完比較好吧，但無論怎樣堅持，最後一兩個章節我總是馬馬虎虎地略過，又急不及待去翻另一本書，雀躍地期待另一趟的歷險。
然後我發現不止看書，對於戀愛、工作和生活中的一切，我也從不滿足於現狀，儘管現狀已無可挑剔。我本來可以把《蘭開夏道》一生一世地寫下去，我明明知道office gossip、男歡女愛這些題目永遠有人愛看。世上不是有好些作家，寫了二三十年依然寫大同小異的東西嗎？他們的作品不是也暢銷如昔嗎？寫《蘭開夏道》的過程很有趣，但我仍是邊寫邊問─是否還有更有趣的？
於是我嘗試寫小說味道更濃的《一個人私奔》，然後寫了偏離大眾化思路的舞台劇本，接籌備我的第一本畫冊，同時在寫一個電影劇本，為長篇小說所作的資料搜集從未間斷，寫散文的時候不斷調整心境，每逢在寫作上有新發現便興奮地傻笑，同時把自己弄至筋疲力盡。累得實在動不了，便大字型躺在地上看著天空喘氣，然後爬起來又向前跑。我總是不滿足，不滿足。
我在《一個人私奔》寫過一位定居夏威夷的堂姊，她曾不屑地說： 「我不像你，活得像個颱風。」我一驚，憤怒地反問： 「我什麼時候活得像個他媽的颱風？」我一直以為自己是細水長流的。如今回想，才理解堂姊的不屑。
姑母從小看著我長大，她不喜歡我的個性。「年少時還可以仗著一點小聰明，總算可以混一口飯吃。待年紀大了，你打算怎樣？那點小聰明夠你活到八十歲嗎？做人還是腳踏實地吧。」腳踏實地。
對一個女人來說，結婚生仔是唯一被認為腳踏實地的事情。不管你是Girl, In terrupted那被關在精神病院的少女，是第三世界的村婦，是二十一世紀的都會女性，只有依附一個男人才是腳踏實地。姑母的眼神彷彿在說： 「女人，終有一天需要妥協。青春敵不過時間啊。」她那滄桑的眼神，隱隱藏著一絲幸災樂禍。
如果有天，我發現安穩的人生能給我最大的快樂，我會義無反顧地爭取安穩的人生。在那天到來之前，不斷向前跑似乎是唯一腳踏實地的生活方式──前面還有更美的風景嗎？下一站是否還有更精彩的事情？也許有，也許沒有。而我在尋找的過程中無比快樂。（撰文：王迪詩／逢星期六刊於《信報》http://world-of-daisy.blogspot.com/）
那是一個寒冷的冬夜。我們在中環大會堂聽完音樂會，在寒風中散步到尚未遷走的天星碼頭。我專挑異常寒冷的夜晚乘渡海小輪，要冷就要冷到盡才算過癮。他卻突然停住了腳步。我回頭一看，只見他雙手插在大衣口袋，不知何故十分激動。「可以嫁給我嗎？」他說。
我看著雙眼有點濕潤的他，忽然覺得自己很像小說Girl, Interrupted 那被關進精神病院的女主角。她用盡方法仍無法逃出精神病院，卻因為有人向她求婚，馬上放了。Hey, wait，為什麼我在這個可能改寫下半生的緊要關頭，仍非要想那些不切實際的小說情節不可？我就是那種死到臨頭，仍會把自己躺在棺材的畫面當成電影來看，終日胡思亂想的無聊人。真要命。
我在腦子裏重複了一遍他的問題，然後翻開日曆，確定那天並不是愚人節，也不是盂蘭節。「你要我──嫁──給──你，是嗎？」他重重的點頭。
「Tempting. But no.」我說。然後繼續向前走。
＊ ＊ ＊
好幾年後一個冬夜，我在中環大會堂聽完音樂會，沿門外那道長廊步行離去，忽然想起很久以前曾經有人在這裏向我求婚。那次以後，我就再也沒有發過市。
我那二十六個plan 全都是靠不住的小混混，風花雪月是可以的，卻沒有一個可以付託終身。假如當年那個在寒夜裏凝視我的男人，就是我這輩子唯一願意娶我的人，我當年豈不是毀掉了嫁人的唯一希望？
回想起來，那時他三十歲，已經有了事業基礎。家教良好，拉得一手很捧的大提琴，穿衣品味也相當不俗。條件那麼優越的男人，地球上還剩幾個？我怎能讓這黃金機會白白從指縫間溜走？我問自己：王迪詩，假如上天讓你回到過去，再揀一次，你會答應求婚嗎？
我經過千分之一秒的深切反省，答案是「No」。我再問自己：假如那是Philip 呢？
Well, in that case，也許我會答應吧，我不能確定。然後我想起那次Philip 到我家來，我們默默地站在陽台看蘭開夏道的風景，他遞給我一個繫絲帶的小盒子。打開來看，是一朵淡紫灰色薄紗做的玫瑰，花蕊是兩顆小巧含蓄的珍珠，是個束馬尾用的髮飾。「我想，也許你今年會喜歡束馬尾。」他說。我是真的感動了，甚至有股衝動想緊緊地抱住他。但當我抬起頭來看見Philip 欲言又止的模樣，我又忽然有點害怕，我怕我這輩子無法再離開這個男人。
我轉身離去了。
在那種要緊的關頭，我總是無法再踏前一步。有時候，我懷疑我心裏總是想念Philip，是因為我從未跟他開始過，那讓我心中暗暗有種忐忑的喜悅。為了一次又一次得到這份喜悅，我有心無意地把他引誘到情感的臨界點，然後在他準備越過臨界點那一刻轉身離去。
最初發現自己可能正在從事這種勾當，我首先驚訝自己的手段居然如此高明，接心裏湧起了一陣內疚感。After all，我是個盜亦有道的女人。但當我想到Philip 說不定也在從事相同的勾當，他對我的若即若離，說不定也是把我引誘到臨界點的策略呢。想到這裏，我心裏的內疚感又一掃而光了。
與此同時，我無法忍受停頓，我總是有意無意地逃避安穩。假如那夜我沒有在Philip 面前轉身離去，也許我們已經開始了。然後拍拖、結婚、生仔，像大部分人那樣花半生積蓄買來房子、期待年終花紅、緊盯菲傭不要偷懶、每年暑假帶孩子歐遊。假如我願意的話，也許我也能像大部分人那樣，得到一般人的幸福。我像所有人一樣需要安全感。然而不管是當年向我求婚的男人，是Philip 還是任何人，我依然無法逃避我心底裏的問題──那就是我一直追求的人生嗎？
我是個任性又倔強的人，而且拒絕反省，看見棺材也不流眼淚。儘管沒有害人之心，但總體而言非常自私。經常滿腦子鬼主意，卻不願辛勞地把那些主意付諸實行。但即使無可救藥如我，依然無法欺騙自己去過一個根本不是我想要的人生。
那麼，我想要的又是什麼？
小時候看書，我總是狼吞虎嚥地沉迷追看。待同學們問我故事的結局，我才發現原來自己根本不知結局。我總是把最後十多頁略去，急不及待跳到另一本新書。
我在閱讀中得到極大的驚喜，而我永遠都在期待更大的驚喜。不管手上這本書如何有趣，我總是來不及看完結局就忍不住問──是否還有更精彩的？吸引我的並非結局，而是歷險，是歷險的過程。
直至今天，我看書依然有「略去結局」的傾向。雖然長大後覺得為了尊重作者，還是把書正正經經的讀完比較好吧，但無論怎樣堅持，最後一兩個章節我總是馬馬虎虎地略過，又急不及待去翻另一本書，雀躍地期待另一趟的歷險。
然後我發現不止看書，對於戀愛、工作和生活中的一切，我也從不滿足於現狀，儘管現狀已無可挑剔。我本來可以把《蘭開夏道》一生一世地寫下去，我明明知道office gossip、男歡女愛這些題目永遠有人愛看。世上不是有好些作家，寫了二三十年依然寫大同小異的東西嗎？他們的作品不是也暢銷如昔嗎？寫《蘭開夏道》的過程很有趣，但我仍是邊寫邊問─是否還有更有趣的？
於是我嘗試寫小說味道更濃的《一個人私奔》，然後寫了偏離大眾化思路的舞台劇本，接籌備我的第一本畫冊，同時在寫一個電影劇本，為長篇小說所作的資料搜集從未間斷，寫散文的時候不斷調整心境，每逢在寫作上有新發現便興奮地傻笑，同時把自己弄至筋疲力盡。累得實在動不了，便大字型躺在地上看著天空喘氣，然後爬起來又向前跑。我總是不滿足，不滿足。
我在《一個人私奔》寫過一位定居夏威夷的堂姊，她曾不屑地說： 「我不像你，活得像個颱風。」我一驚，憤怒地反問： 「我什麼時候活得像個他媽的颱風？」我一直以為自己是細水長流的。如今回想，才理解堂姊的不屑。
姑母從小看著我長大，她不喜歡我的個性。「年少時還可以仗著一點小聰明，總算可以混一口飯吃。待年紀大了，你打算怎樣？那點小聰明夠你活到八十歲嗎？做人還是腳踏實地吧。」腳踏實地。
對一個女人來說，結婚生仔是唯一被認為腳踏實地的事情。不管你是Girl, In terrupted那被關在精神病院的少女，是第三世界的村婦，是二十一世紀的都會女性，只有依附一個男人才是腳踏實地。姑母的眼神彷彿在說： 「女人，終有一天需要妥協。青春敵不過時間啊。」她那滄桑的眼神，隱隱藏著一絲幸災樂禍。
如果有天，我發現安穩的人生能給我最大的快樂，我會義無反顧地爭取安穩的人生。在那天到來之前，不斷向前跑似乎是唯一腳踏實地的生活方式──前面還有更美的風景嗎？下一站是否還有更精彩的事情？也許有，也許沒有。而我在尋找的過程中無比快樂。（撰文：王迪詩／逢星期六刊於《信報》http://world-of-daisy.blogspot.com/）
Thursday, November 18, 2010
如果可以…
如果可以看到你的背影，我至少會開心數小時;
如果可以見你一面，我至少會開心一整天;
如果可以聽你一聲，我至少會開心一星期;
如果可以跟你聊天，我至少會開心數星期;
如果可以跟你共晉一餐，我至少會開心一個月;
如果可以聽你一句叫我加油，我工作時一定很用心，一定充滿信心，而且一定會做得好;
如果可以看著你的臉，恐怕我視線會捨不得離開，我要好好珍惜能看著你的每分每秒;
如果可以在你身旁，我會細心留意周遭環境，看看是否危險，危險的話，我會幫你擋;
如果可以大聲地說我愛你，我希望你不會感到反感，不然，我會非常後悔;
如果可以了解你，我會用你想要的方式去愛你，如果你不反對我的愛;
如果可以吻你的臉頰，我的臉會紅到爆炸;
如果可以擁抱著你，恐怕我會開心得流淚，但我會小心，盡量不會把你抱得太緊，以免傷及你;
如果可以牽著你走，我希望可以牽你手一輩子，直到白頭，起了皺也喜歡這樣牽著;
如果可以照顧你，我會盡力做到完美;
如果可以跟你一起，我想我會經常對著你傻笑，我想我會想哭或者禁不住哭出來;
如果可以跟你一起，我會盡力記住你喜歡甚麼，不喜歡甚麼;
如果可以跟你一起，我的世界會變得很美，不過更重要的是，我會盡力令你的世界比我的更美;
如果可以跟你一起，我只會做你喜歡我做的事;
如果可以跟你一起，我會在你沒預備的情況下送你一個擁抱，一個吻，給你驚喜;
如果可以跟你一起，我會盡力去烹飪，做你喜歡吃的東西，令你開心又健康;
如果可以跟你一起，我會時時刻刻都想牽你的手;
如果可以跟你一起，我會以打網址或手寫形式好好記下我們的每一天，然後好好保存;
如果可以跟你一起，我會盡力配合你，盡力完成你的心願;
如果可以跟你一起，我會好好愛護自己，為了你，不會再任性地或不小心地弄傷自己;
如果可以，這一生，我最想做的一件事是好好愛你，愛你的所有，令你幸福;
如果可以永遠愛你，我會幸福一輩子。
或許就只有你,
令我更喜歡做自己喜歡的事,
令我樂意去做自己討厭的事,
改變了我,
這些改變並不刻意，是不經意的…
或許就只有你,
令我有種從未有過的感覺,
以前我也有喜歡過別人，但，不會有牽她的手或是擁著她的衝動或欲望,
不會想著如何照顧她比較好，不會想著怎樣去令她快樂…
你，也許是我這輩子要找的人
只是我並不是你想要找的人
我不介意
因為只要你快樂便可以了
所以，
如果可以看到你笑，
如果可以知道你過得快樂，
我會在你看不到我的時候，甜甜地笑了
我知道，一直都知道，我們是來自不同世界的人，
如果可以，我想你當我是你能信任的朋友，甚至成為你傾訴的對象，雖然，你不需要吧。
但，我想說的是，如果有甚麼需要，可以找我，如果你想找的話，我永遠都在。
即使有天我不得不放手，我也會換個方式愛你。
其實說到底，想起你，已經快樂，好像精神食糧似的
或許在另一空間，這全都不是「如果可以」
是可以的。
想到這樣，我已經很快樂了。
我就是這麼愛編織我心裏的童話
如果注定另一空間才可以這樣，我想一生都活在，沉醉在我的夢裏。
至少，我會留住這個美夢。
慶幸你在我生命中出現，在我回憶裏，永遠有個你
遺憾的是，我沒能力使你幸福，不過，希望你會得到自己想要的幸福
如果可以見你一面，我至少會開心一整天;
如果可以聽你一聲，我至少會開心一星期;
如果可以跟你聊天，我至少會開心數星期;
如果可以跟你共晉一餐，我至少會開心一個月;
如果可以聽你一句叫我加油，我工作時一定很用心，一定充滿信心，而且一定會做得好;
如果可以看著你的臉，恐怕我視線會捨不得離開，我要好好珍惜能看著你的每分每秒;
如果可以在你身旁，我會細心留意周遭環境，看看是否危險，危險的話，我會幫你擋;
如果可以大聲地說我愛你，我希望你不會感到反感，不然，我會非常後悔;
如果可以了解你，我會用你想要的方式去愛你，如果你不反對我的愛;
如果可以吻你的臉頰，我的臉會紅到爆炸;
如果可以擁抱著你，恐怕我會開心得流淚，但我會小心，盡量不會把你抱得太緊，以免傷及你;
如果可以牽著你走，我希望可以牽你手一輩子，直到白頭，起了皺也喜歡這樣牽著;
如果可以照顧你，我會盡力做到完美;
如果可以跟你一起，我想我會經常對著你傻笑，我想我會想哭或者禁不住哭出來;
如果可以跟你一起，我會盡力記住你喜歡甚麼，不喜歡甚麼;
如果可以跟你一起，我的世界會變得很美，不過更重要的是，我會盡力令你的世界比我的更美;
如果可以跟你一起，我只會做你喜歡我做的事;
如果可以跟你一起，我會在你沒預備的情況下送你一個擁抱，一個吻，給你驚喜;
如果可以跟你一起，我會盡力去烹飪，做你喜歡吃的東西，令你開心又健康;
如果可以跟你一起，我會時時刻刻都想牽你的手;
如果可以跟你一起，我會以打網址或手寫形式好好記下我們的每一天，然後好好保存;
如果可以跟你一起，我會盡力配合你，盡力完成你的心願;
如果可以跟你一起，我會好好愛護自己，為了你，不會再任性地或不小心地弄傷自己;
如果可以，這一生，我最想做的一件事是好好愛你，愛你的所有，令你幸福;
如果可以永遠愛你，我會幸福一輩子。
或許就只有你,
令我更喜歡做自己喜歡的事,
令我樂意去做自己討厭的事,
改變了我,
這些改變並不刻意，是不經意的…
或許就只有你,
令我有種從未有過的感覺,
以前我也有喜歡過別人，但，不會有牽她的手或是擁著她的衝動或欲望,
不會想著如何照顧她比較好，不會想著怎樣去令她快樂…
你，也許是我這輩子要找的人
只是我並不是你想要找的人
我不介意
因為只要你快樂便可以了
所以，
如果可以看到你笑，
如果可以知道你過得快樂，
我會在你看不到我的時候，甜甜地笑了
我知道，一直都知道，我們是來自不同世界的人，
如果可以，我想你當我是你能信任的朋友，甚至成為你傾訴的對象，雖然，你不需要吧。
但，我想說的是，如果有甚麼需要，可以找我，如果你想找的話，我永遠都在。
即使有天我不得不放手，我也會換個方式愛你。
其實說到底，想起你，已經快樂，好像精神食糧似的
或許在另一空間，這全都不是「如果可以」
是可以的。
想到這樣，我已經很快樂了。
我就是這麼愛編織我心裏的童話
如果注定另一空間才可以這樣，我想一生都活在，沉醉在我的夢裏。
至少，我會留住這個美夢。
慶幸你在我生命中出現，在我回憶裏，永遠有個你
遺憾的是，我沒能力使你幸福，不過，希望你會得到自己想要的幸福
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Back to work.
Going back to the harsh reality on a C shift is not too bad. At least, fortunately, there were only a few calls for the first 2 nights.... I can clear some of my piled up files.... several annual reports pending, one loss of government property file, CAPO as usual, some old case BU, problematic CTPD action form, HIO yet to start.... o well, what a great test to what I've learnt over this 3 weeks.
So sleepy now but still have to attend training 4 hours from now.... better sleep soon.
P.S. How ironic for one unstable loser to consul the others on their problems... in what position am I right to do that?
So sleepy now but still have to attend training 4 hours from now.... better sleep soon.
P.S. How ironic for one unstable loser to consul the others on their problems... in what position am I right to do that?
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Hallucination
I am like going mad...
I cant focus...
I am seeing visions... of you...
Whenever I close my eyes, you are there...
It's okay when I am with someone... at least I can still tell who is real...
Am I losing my sanity?
I need help... quickly.
I cant focus...
I am seeing visions... of you...
Whenever I close my eyes, you are there...
It's okay when I am with someone... at least I can still tell who is real...
Am I losing my sanity?
I need help... quickly.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Recognition
Once again... I am now dragging my lifeless body back home.
Have been working a few hours extra... feeling helpless along way... especially when faced with unknown procedure and practice.
Why am I doing it? I sometimes ask myself...
I kept thinking this for long... maybe... it's just the thought that i wanna be missed when i am gone...
I want to be missed by others... is it that hard to do?
P.S. How are you tonight? Having fun and had a good meal? But... You no longer need me...
Have been working a few hours extra... feeling helpless along way... especially when faced with unknown procedure and practice.
Why am I doing it? I sometimes ask myself...
I kept thinking this for long... maybe... it's just the thought that i wanna be missed when i am gone...
I want to be missed by others... is it that hard to do?
P.S. How are you tonight? Having fun and had a good meal? But... You no longer need me...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
OSH
OSH course is heavier than I've expected.... I still havent done the write up yet...
So sleepy now... sleep now, work later.
Good night.
So sleepy now... sleep now, work later.
Good night.
Run, and keep running.
Found this blog datingish accidentally...
While reading the entries, my mind drifted to the days when I read such entries in disgust...
It's their own problem.... It's not true.... etc.
I was so naive at that time... I started a joke, but the joke was on me...
I read the blog, realizing some entries was so full of wisdom...
Always, when people look from different perspective, having different mood and attitude, things can be so different...
This process was a lesson for me... but the fee was astronomical... There's nothing left in me now...
-
Went for a run tonight... facing the sea breeze, looking at the calm sea... life can still be beautiful when you're unhappy... Don't you think so?
While reading the entries, my mind drifted to the days when I read such entries in disgust...
It's their own problem.... It's not true.... etc.
I was so naive at that time... I started a joke, but the joke was on me...
I read the blog, realizing some entries was so full of wisdom...
Always, when people look from different perspective, having different mood and attitude, things can be so different...
This process was a lesson for me... but the fee was astronomical... There's nothing left in me now...
-
Went for a run tonight... facing the sea breeze, looking at the calm sea... life can still be beautiful when you're unhappy... Don't you think so?
Monday, November 08, 2010
Wander...
Fooling my heart in believing that I'm aimlessly wandering...
Revisited the place we were one year ago...
The night scene in TST is as good as ever...
Only difference being you...
I knew this is not healthy...
But, deep down in my heart, I knew...
I dont want to forget you.
Revisited the place we were one year ago...
The night scene in TST is as good as ever...
Only difference being you...
I knew this is not healthy...
But, deep down in my heart, I knew...
I dont want to forget you.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Saturday, November 06, 2010
So what?
I dont care what they say...
I have my own viewpoint.
Dont blame yourself, you're still young, there's always time of uncertainty.
I care about you, that's the most important of all.
I have my own viewpoint.
Dont blame yourself, you're still young, there's always time of uncertainty.
I care about you, that's the most important of all.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Love is...
Love is... considering one's well being while neglecting your own.
You'll come to this same realisation one day.
Goodbye, beautiful stranger.
You'll come to this same realisation one day.
Goodbye, beautiful stranger.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
聽說愛情有四個階段，熬過去就會永遠在一起。
有位心理學家曾寫道，一個成熟稱得上真愛的戀情必須經過四個階段，那就是：
共存 反依賴 獨立 共生
之間轉換所需的時間不一定，因人而易。
第一個階段：共存。
這是熱戀時期，不論何時何地總希望能膩在一起。
第二個階段：反依賴。
等情感穩定，一方想多一點時間做自己想做的事，這時另一方就會感到被冷落。
第三個階段：獨立。
這是第二個階段的延續，要求更多獨立自主的時間。
第四個階段：共生。
這時新的相處之道成形，你們已經成為最親密的人。
你們在一起相互扶持、一起開創屬於你們人生。
你們在一起不會互相牽絆，而會互相成長。
他（她）就像是你的親人。
但是，好多人都通不過第二或第三階段，選擇分手。
其實很多事只要好好溝通就會沒事，可是想太多和任性就是無法避免。
世界上遇到唯一的你多麼不容易，能不能不要輕言放棄。
你發現了嗎？
你們本沒有相同之處，外表不相像，性格也是南轅北轍，
但是相愛然後在一起，
日復一日，年復一年，
你會驚訝你的眼睛竟有點像他的眼睛。
他的微笑竟也有點像你的微笑。
你們走路的步伐變得相似。
你們說話的語氣也愈來愈像。
你們愛喝同一杯飲料。
你們的口頭禪變得一樣。
你們總能猜到對方下一句話是什麼。
原來我們會變成我們所愛的人。
你在不知不覺中讓他改掉了他愛皺眉的壞習慣。
這個改變，或許連他自己也不曾察覺。
他在不知不覺中讓你變得做事不再馬馬虎虎。
你差點認不出自己。
會在不知不覺中逐漸變成對方理想中的人，
這種改變，絕對不是刻意的。
兩個人相處時間越久，氣質也越相近，
有一天，你驚訝地發現，
這樣的你們多麼默契。
或許再也遇不到這樣的感情。
深深愛著一個人的時候，你原來真的會一點一點失去自己，
可是為什麼你還會覺得快樂呢。
大概是因為你在失去的同時，也賺了，
你把他的氣質和他的微笑都賺回來了。
朋友，你們走到哪個階段了？
世界上遇到唯一的你多麼不容易，能不能不要輕言放棄。
能不能一直走下去。
請不要說下輩子，
我多怕下輩子再遇不到你。
所以就這輩子，
就讓我們一直在一起走下去。
So true.
共存 反依賴 獨立 共生
之間轉換所需的時間不一定，因人而易。
第一個階段：共存。
這是熱戀時期，不論何時何地總希望能膩在一起。
第二個階段：反依賴。
等情感穩定，一方想多一點時間做自己想做的事，這時另一方就會感到被冷落。
第三個階段：獨立。
這是第二個階段的延續，要求更多獨立自主的時間。
第四個階段：共生。
這時新的相處之道成形，你們已經成為最親密的人。
你們在一起相互扶持、一起開創屬於你們人生。
你們在一起不會互相牽絆，而會互相成長。
他（她）就像是你的親人。
但是，好多人都通不過第二或第三階段，選擇分手。
其實很多事只要好好溝通就會沒事，可是想太多和任性就是無法避免。
世界上遇到唯一的你多麼不容易，能不能不要輕言放棄。
你發現了嗎？
你們本沒有相同之處，外表不相像，性格也是南轅北轍，
但是相愛然後在一起，
日復一日，年復一年，
你會驚訝你的眼睛竟有點像他的眼睛。
他的微笑竟也有點像你的微笑。
你們走路的步伐變得相似。
你們說話的語氣也愈來愈像。
你們愛喝同一杯飲料。
你們的口頭禪變得一樣。
你們總能猜到對方下一句話是什麼。
原來我們會變成我們所愛的人。
你在不知不覺中讓他改掉了他愛皺眉的壞習慣。
這個改變，或許連他自己也不曾察覺。
他在不知不覺中讓你變得做事不再馬馬虎虎。
你差點認不出自己。
會在不知不覺中逐漸變成對方理想中的人，
這種改變，絕對不是刻意的。
兩個人相處時間越久，氣質也越相近，
有一天，你驚訝地發現，
這樣的你們多麼默契。
或許再也遇不到這樣的感情。
深深愛著一個人的時候，你原來真的會一點一點失去自己，
可是為什麼你還會覺得快樂呢。
大概是因為你在失去的同時，也賺了，
你把他的氣質和他的微笑都賺回來了。
朋友，你們走到哪個階段了？
世界上遇到唯一的你多麼不容易，能不能不要輕言放棄。
能不能一直走下去。
請不要說下輩子，
我多怕下輩子再遇不到你。
所以就這輩子，
就讓我們一直在一起走下去。
So true.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
一些感覺
如沒失去,怎會學懂珍惜的道理…
人大了,越接受不了身邊最親愛的永遠消失…
寧可欺騙自己的感覺,以笑面示人…
心中暗自擔心著緊…在遠處守候著…都只是想知道她一切安好、生活愉快…
大慨…這算是病吧…
還是…應像歌詞中"離開,應再打擾愛人,對不對?"
人大了,越接受不了身邊最親愛的永遠消失…
寧可欺騙自己的感覺,以笑面示人…
心中暗自擔心著緊…在遠處守候著…都只是想知道她一切安好、生活愉快…
大慨…這算是病吧…
還是…應像歌詞中"離開,應再打擾愛人,對不對?"
Monday, November 01, 2010
Reflections
"You want it? It's yours." - Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
I don't feel much when i watch the movie the previous time.... but this time, maybe I've grown, maybe it's the experience... I have got different feelings.... not a bad movie for my state of mind now.
Was constantly day dreaming today... dreamt about the good or bad of life... the chances, the what if...
Feelings was doubled when i received a call this afternoon... bad timing for such call to arrive.
Work seems the only thing that can soothe my nerves at the moment.... but while working overtime i kept thinking... why am i doing this? I could have just walk out of this mess... why bother? I have already sacrificed too much, relationship, family and health. Do I want to prove myself? Suddenly i came to realisation that no one is irreplacable... my files will be and can be done someday, when the successor arrive... i am really no different, what is the point?
Even when my new OPS is kind enough to ask my reason of leaving... I cant think of any... perhaps my 任性 decision in bad mood... again?
It's not the end of world. It's just me.
I don't feel much when i watch the movie the previous time.... but this time, maybe I've grown, maybe it's the experience... I have got different feelings.... not a bad movie for my state of mind now.
Was constantly day dreaming today... dreamt about the good or bad of life... the chances, the what if...
Feelings was doubled when i received a call this afternoon... bad timing for such call to arrive.
Work seems the only thing that can soothe my nerves at the moment.... but while working overtime i kept thinking... why am i doing this? I could have just walk out of this mess... why bother? I have already sacrificed too much, relationship, family and health. Do I want to prove myself? Suddenly i came to realisation that no one is irreplacable... my files will be and can be done someday, when the successor arrive... i am really no different, what is the point?
Even when my new OPS is kind enough to ask my reason of leaving... I cant think of any... perhaps my 任性 decision in bad mood... again?
It's not the end of world. It's just me.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
First week, back to training.
My blog focuses on feelings lately... some facts were left out as I'm not in mood for writing...
This was the first week I went back to College for training.... not too stressful, something to learn.... not a bad way to earn the monthly salary I guess.
Am I using work as my asylum for now? I seem to have worked two shifts everyday.... training in the morning and went back to office in evening.... true.... the files can take care of themselves even if I'm not there..... but the responsibilities issue... it'll come back to haunt you some time in future for the lack of supervision today... I hope the effort I made now will be worthwhile.
Truth are always cruel... but if you had decided to seek the truth... there was no reason I should stop you. Only advice being "Know every intention."
I'm so tired today.... though officially it's a day off..... I went for the Force Dragon Boat Race in Shatin in morning.... it's so cold.... but still.... It's fun.... now it's good time to develop some new habit....
This was the first week I went back to College for training.... not too stressful, something to learn.... not a bad way to earn the monthly salary I guess.
Am I using work as my asylum for now? I seem to have worked two shifts everyday.... training in the morning and went back to office in evening.... true.... the files can take care of themselves even if I'm not there..... but the responsibilities issue... it'll come back to haunt you some time in future for the lack of supervision today... I hope the effort I made now will be worthwhile.
Truth are always cruel... but if you had decided to seek the truth... there was no reason I should stop you. Only advice being "Know every intention."
I'm so tired today.... though officially it's a day off..... I went for the Force Dragon Boat Race in Shatin in morning.... it's so cold.... but still.... It's fun.... now it's good time to develop some new habit....
愛情轉移
徘徊過多少櫥窗 住過多少旅館
才會覺得分離也並不冤枉
感情是用來瀏覽 還是用來珍藏
好讓日子天天都過得難忘
熬過了多久患難 濕了多長眼眶
才能知道傷感是愛的遺產
流浪幾張雙人床 換過幾次信仰
才讓戒指義無反顧的交換
把一個人的溫暖 轉移到另一個的胸膛
讓上次犯的錯反省出夢想
每個人都是這樣 享受過提心吊膽
才拒絕做愛情代罪的羔羊
回憶是抓不到的月光握緊就變黑暗
等虛假的背影消失於晴朗
陽光在身上流轉 等所有業障被原諒
愛情不停站 想開往地老天荒 需要多勇敢
燭光照亮了晚餐 照不出個答案
戀愛不是溫馨的請客吃飯
床單上鋪滿花瓣 擁抱讓它成長
太擁擠就開到了別的土壤
感情需要人接班 接近換來期望
期望帶來失望的惡性循環
短暫的總是浪漫 漫長總會不滿
燒完美好青春換一個老伴
你不要失望 蕩氣迴腸是為了 最美的平凡
Friday, October 29, 2010
讓自己清醒的19句話
1、如果發簡訊給一個人，他一直不回，不要再發了。沒有這麼卑微的等待。
2、如果沒有人陪，學著一個人聽音樂看書寫點心情日記。這是個好習慣。
3、如果一個人很難過，找個角落或者在被子裏哭一下，不需要別人同情可憐，哭過之後一樣開心生活。
4、如果一個人開始怠慢你，請你離開他。不懂珍惜你的人不要為之不舍，更不必繼續付出你的友情或愛情，到頭來受傷的是自己，他人不會為之難過。
5、如果可以不抽煙，別抽。如果可以不喝酒，別喝。這是不愛惜自己身體的表現，如果只因一些人，那麼我們別傻了，愛你的人不會讓你難過的。
6、傷心的時候找個信任的朋友訴說一下，不要一個人默默承受，這只會會更添寂寞感與憂傷。
7、不開心的時候白天看看藍天晚上看看夜色，廣闊的天空自有屬於我們愛，寧可高傲的發黴不要低調的戀愛。跟自己說我是最好的，保持一份自信。
8、寧缺毋濫。不要因為寂寞隨手抓一個戀人，這對兩人都不公平，而且太缺乏責任感。找個知己不要是戀人。
9、記住你喜歡的人的生日，包括你的家人，當然，還有自己。生日沒有人送禮物也無所謂，你可以買精美的禮物，送給媽媽和爸爸。
10、閑下來的時候，放一段柔情音樂，翻閱幾頁好書，然後睡個懶覺，快哉。心情不好的時候，也可以睡一覺。
11、從現在開始，聰明一點，不要問別人想不想你？愛不愛你？若是要想你或者愛你自然會對你說，但是從你的嘴裏說出來，別人會很驕傲和不在乎你。
12、不要太在意一些人太在乎一些事，順其自然以最佳心態面對。因為這世界就是這麼不公平往往在最在乎的事物面前我們最沒有價值。
13、不要為了任何人任何事折磨自己。比如不吃飯、哭泣、自閉、抑鬱，這些都是傻瓜才做的事。當然，偶爾傻一下有必要，人生不必時時聰明。
14、任何情況下，背後不說他人是非。如果你一定要說，說好話。多個朋友是好事，即使不是很要好的，總比因為自己說話不慎重不思考而多一個敵人好得多。
15、允許偶爾看肥皂劇，但不可成為依賴。允許偶爾披頭散髮，但要注重場合。允許偶爾罵髒話，但只限在老友面前或者獨自一人時，說過後記得要忘掉那些讓你難過的事。
16、一定要有幾個異性朋友，沒有非分之想，就是關鍵時候，能幫你出出主意的好友。
17、學會承受痛苦自己調整心態。有些話，適合爛在心裏，有些痛苦，適合無聲無息的忘記。當經歷過，你成長了，自己知道就好。很多改變，不需要你自己說，別人會看得到。
18、能不和人爭吵儘量避免。一個發怒的人是很恐怖的，會因控制不了情緒變成瘋子。忍耐然後思索問題的根源最後平靜心態解決它。
19、不管和誰有了矛盾和彆扭，解決的時間不要超過24小時。否則麻煩會更多。在可以接受的範圍內，先道歉。有時候做壞人不是件真的壞事。
2、如果沒有人陪，學著一個人聽音樂看書寫點心情日記。這是個好習慣。
3、如果一個人很難過，找個角落或者在被子裏哭一下，不需要別人同情可憐，哭過之後一樣開心生活。
4、如果一個人開始怠慢你，請你離開他。不懂珍惜你的人不要為之不舍，更不必繼續付出你的友情或愛情，到頭來受傷的是自己，他人不會為之難過。
5、如果可以不抽煙，別抽。如果可以不喝酒，別喝。這是不愛惜自己身體的表現，如果只因一些人，那麼我們別傻了，愛你的人不會讓你難過的。
6、傷心的時候找個信任的朋友訴說一下，不要一個人默默承受，這只會會更添寂寞感與憂傷。
7、不開心的時候白天看看藍天晚上看看夜色，廣闊的天空自有屬於我們愛，寧可高傲的發黴不要低調的戀愛。跟自己說我是最好的，保持一份自信。
8、寧缺毋濫。不要因為寂寞隨手抓一個戀人，這對兩人都不公平，而且太缺乏責任感。找個知己不要是戀人。
9、記住你喜歡的人的生日，包括你的家人，當然，還有自己。生日沒有人送禮物也無所謂，你可以買精美的禮物，送給媽媽和爸爸。
10、閑下來的時候，放一段柔情音樂，翻閱幾頁好書，然後睡個懶覺，快哉。心情不好的時候，也可以睡一覺。
11、從現在開始，聰明一點，不要問別人想不想你？愛不愛你？若是要想你或者愛你自然會對你說，但是從你的嘴裏說出來，別人會很驕傲和不在乎你。
12、不要太在意一些人太在乎一些事，順其自然以最佳心態面對。因為這世界就是這麼不公平往往在最在乎的事物面前我們最沒有價值。
13、不要為了任何人任何事折磨自己。比如不吃飯、哭泣、自閉、抑鬱，這些都是傻瓜才做的事。當然，偶爾傻一下有必要，人生不必時時聰明。
14、任何情況下，背後不說他人是非。如果你一定要說，說好話。多個朋友是好事，即使不是很要好的，總比因為自己說話不慎重不思考而多一個敵人好得多。
15、允許偶爾看肥皂劇，但不可成為依賴。允許偶爾披頭散髮，但要注重場合。允許偶爾罵髒話，但只限在老友面前或者獨自一人時，說過後記得要忘掉那些讓你難過的事。
16、一定要有幾個異性朋友，沒有非分之想，就是關鍵時候，能幫你出出主意的好友。
17、學會承受痛苦自己調整心態。有些話，適合爛在心裏，有些痛苦，適合無聲無息的忘記。當經歷過，你成長了，自己知道就好。很多改變，不需要你自己說，別人會看得到。
18、能不和人爭吵儘量避免。一個發怒的人是很恐怖的，會因控制不了情緒變成瘋子。忍耐然後思索問題的根源最後平靜心態解決它。
19、不管和誰有了矛盾和彆扭，解決的時間不要超過24小時。否則麻煩會更多。在可以接受的範圍內，先道歉。有時候做壞人不是件真的壞事。
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
解脫了
謝謝你,加速了這個決定的誕生…
這段生活真的困難重重,以前也是全因你,我才有勇氣走完全程,展開了新的一頁。
就是不想辜負你的信任,我花更多精力把每事做好…
料不到的是,這一決定帶來的反效果…
你走遠了…
你的出現帶來希望,你離開時亦帶走了一切…
現今,只剩空殼的我已找不到留下的理由…
算是一個了斷吧…待明天與Personnel Wing的大Sir解釋後便完了~
好好珍惜剩下的日子…就是一天也好了。
曾經…到現在…我所喜愛的也沒變…但,偶然換—下口味也不錯吧…
今晚回到公司,能對著一疊疊的快勞說出一句"與我何干?"的感覺,原來真的很好…我想,我終能有一點明白你了。
前路茫茫,還看不到岸…我只知我現生活在混鈍中…停留於此,冷眼看世界,口中也是同一句,I don't care!
但…為何心中還是放不低?
這段生活真的困難重重,以前也是全因你,我才有勇氣走完全程,展開了新的一頁。
就是不想辜負你的信任,我花更多精力把每事做好…
料不到的是,這一決定帶來的反效果…
你走遠了…
你的出現帶來希望,你離開時亦帶走了一切…
現今,只剩空殼的我已找不到留下的理由…
算是一個了斷吧…待明天與Personnel Wing的大Sir解釋後便完了~
好好珍惜剩下的日子…就是一天也好了。
曾經…到現在…我所喜愛的也沒變…但,偶然換—下口味也不錯吧…
今晚回到公司,能對著一疊疊的快勞說出一句"與我何干?"的感覺,原來真的很好…我想,我終能有一點明白你了。
前路茫茫,還看不到岸…我只知我現生活在混鈍中…停留於此,冷眼看世界,口中也是同一句,I don't care!
但…為何心中還是放不低?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Does it matter?
Even if...
You placed her benefit in front of yours...
You are fully devoted to her...
You heart was in pain...
There was no such thing as equal...
Only two casuality on this course...
How ironic.
You placed her benefit in front of yours...
You are fully devoted to her...
You heart was in pain...
There was no such thing as equal...
Only two casuality on this course...
How ironic.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Purpose of life...
What a great chance to meet with Kennon this afternoon.... felt enlightened and through discussion, I can organize and reason my thoughts into ideas.... the materialization of ideas (a.k.a Eureka moment)was so intense.... it's almost Zen like...
Talking about religion.... I have got new interpretation to the use of religion today... religion gives man a mission, something to occupy their life with.... to spread the news of god (or other similiar meaning) is a mission.... something that they knew (believed) is right and so that they can devote their time and energy into doing so.... to spare them from the 'ordinary-ness' of life... when ordinary = boredom, boredom = no point in existence... they experience their life through religion (god created me/ god planned this to me) so they have a meaning...
Is all these religion stuff a lie? Or something that keep people moving? I dont know... I am seriously considering taking some course from uni.... "Comparative Religion" maybe?
Talking about meaning of life.... I recalled one manga that I like a lot during my Uni life.... cant resist but to review it last night.... still got plenty of inspiration each time I read it.... Here it goes... 消防員的故事: http://kukudm.com/comiclist/703/
Talking about religion.... I have got new interpretation to the use of religion today... religion gives man a mission, something to occupy their life with.... to spread the news of god (or other similiar meaning) is a mission.... something that they knew (believed) is right and so that they can devote their time and energy into doing so.... to spare them from the 'ordinary-ness' of life... when ordinary = boredom, boredom = no point in existence... they experience their life through religion (god created me/ god planned this to me) so they have a meaning...
Is all these religion stuff a lie? Or something that keep people moving? I dont know... I am seriously considering taking some course from uni.... "Comparative Religion" maybe?
Talking about meaning of life.... I recalled one manga that I like a lot during my Uni life.... cant resist but to review it last night.... still got plenty of inspiration each time I read it.... Here it goes... 消防員的故事: http://kukudm.com/comiclist/703/
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Finally...
Finally.... the wind did not come...
It maybe a good thing... but I doubt if I'll ever had the chance to wear the uniform and do stupid things in the street in bad weather again... Really dont know...
Have finished working C shift.... for the next 3 weeks it would be great time to recuperate myself during training course... looking forward to it.
The greatest achievement of this week... I was faced with 3 problemetic files... one OUD, one HIO and one Discipline.... they combined to give the force management much trouble too.... am i the fortunate one to be able to have the chance to handle them at such junior stage of my career? I hope yes.... or else I will be in misery...
Felt the presence of autumn.... it's getting cooler at night...
Very tired now...
It maybe a good thing... but I doubt if I'll ever had the chance to wear the uniform and do stupid things in the street in bad weather again... Really dont know...
Have finished working C shift.... for the next 3 weeks it would be great time to recuperate myself during training course... looking forward to it.
The greatest achievement of this week... I was faced with 3 problemetic files... one OUD, one HIO and one Discipline.... they combined to give the force management much trouble too.... am i the fortunate one to be able to have the chance to handle them at such junior stage of my career? I hope yes.... or else I will be in misery...
Felt the presence of autumn.... it's getting cooler at night...
Very tired now...
Thursday, October 21, 2010
HIO and OUD
Really.... there can be files that you havent even had the slightest idea on how to write.... they are both on my desk now pending BU this week..... damn.
I found out no matter how sincere the staff appeared... they could still utter BS and make fool of me... human hearts are so complex.... but the only thing i can assure him is that he will be in a hell of trouble for doing so...
In a bad shape this 2 days as I was lack of sleep from work....
Looking forward for typhoon to come... so I can dance in the rain.
I found out no matter how sincere the staff appeared... they could still utter BS and make fool of me... human hearts are so complex.... but the only thing i can assure him is that he will be in a hell of trouble for doing so...
In a bad shape this 2 days as I was lack of sleep from work....
Looking forward for typhoon to come... so I can dance in the rain.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Bad day...
How best to greet the new boss? I did it by making a mistake in my email to her... impressive start, isnt it?
I cant wait till IPCT to start.... I need a getaway.
Finally it's autumn...
I cant wait till IPCT to start.... I need a getaway.
Finally it's autumn...
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Change in mentality.
Did I sound depressed and stressed all the time?
I've been told more than once lately that I changed... I'm no longer the care-free person I used to be... now I'm just gloomed by darkness.... a darkness that even light can not penetrate... a darkness which I started to affect the people around me...
If I had to convince myself... I can only use the imaginary goal that I made up for myself.... a goal where one day life will be beautiful, will be great, will be happy... I knew all these were lies.... but what else can I believe in?
I am not courageous to face the truth.
I chose to tell lies.... to myself.
I'm afraid.... when one day I no longer believe in the utopia that I created.... there's nothing left in me.... life will be so pointless.
I've been told more than once lately that I changed... I'm no longer the care-free person I used to be... now I'm just gloomed by darkness.... a darkness that even light can not penetrate... a darkness which I started to affect the people around me...
If I had to convince myself... I can only use the imaginary goal that I made up for myself.... a goal where one day life will be beautiful, will be great, will be happy... I knew all these were lies.... but what else can I believe in?
I am not courageous to face the truth.
I chose to tell lies.... to myself.
I'm afraid.... when one day I no longer believe in the utopia that I created.... there's nothing left in me.... life will be so pointless.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Holiday...
First time to work with new boss today... She gave me the impression of one who care less about details but results.... Working for her was so different than the old boss.... possibly because she's on the rise?
I can expect life will be fully occpuied by work in the coming few months.... preparation for even tougher post? I hope.
It might be good I can have a holiday till mid-Nov before going back to warzone.... I needed that.
I can expect life will be fully occpuied by work in the coming few months.... preparation for even tougher post? I hope.
It might be good I can have a holiday till mid-Nov before going back to warzone.... I needed that.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Animal Day...
What a day...
Is it full moon tonight? How come all hell broke loose? Apart from several of my staff call in sick on the same day.... I was called out by the DVC to do patrol with him... gosh, it's such a hot day today...
In the evening it's even worse.... wild pig found.... Why me? I am in no position to catch it, leave alone to disturb it.... especially this one is the king boar, larger than a cattle, you expect me to deal with it? Gosh...
Snake found in the same night.... Why the hell is a deadly cobra lurking in the fuse box? If I was not wearing the uniform it will be turned into a snake soup in no time.... shame....
Dog in a manhole?? Even worse call.... Go settle it yourself!!! The dead cat in the same hole is a bonus....
Gosh.... I'm sick of this animal kingdom.
Is it full moon tonight? How come all hell broke loose? Apart from several of my staff call in sick on the same day.... I was called out by the DVC to do patrol with him... gosh, it's such a hot day today...
In the evening it's even worse.... wild pig found.... Why me? I am in no position to catch it, leave alone to disturb it.... especially this one is the king boar, larger than a cattle, you expect me to deal with it? Gosh...
Snake found in the same night.... Why the hell is a deadly cobra lurking in the fuse box? If I was not wearing the uniform it will be turned into a snake soup in no time.... shame....
Dog in a manhole?? Even worse call.... Go settle it yourself!!! The dead cat in the same hole is a bonus....
Gosh.... I'm sick of this animal kingdom.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
New boss... old boss...
Suddenly found out.... I dont have to face my boss for one month after her transfer in... She's on leave next week, then I'll be gone for study course for 3 weeks.... wow... maybe after the course I will have my personal issues all settled and rejuvenated for me to enjoy my career.... I dont know, let's see....
Unhappy tonight... The more I know, the more unhappy I become...
Unhappy tonight... The more I know, the more unhappy I become...
Word of wisdom.
Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate.
- Rachel Hansen, 500 days of Summer
- Rachel Hansen, 500 days of Summer
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Work...
Finally.... the canteen is back.... should be able to have some decent meal at work soon.
Got a bad name for things that I didnt even do.... I only took over this unit for 5 months, not 5 years.... gosh.
Once again.... ran tonight.... feeling good.
Got a bad name for things that I didnt even do.... I only took over this unit for 5 months, not 5 years.... gosh.
Once again.... ran tonight.... feeling good.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Cant sleep.
Cant sleep now... too much on my mind now.
New boss arrive tomorrow... once again, it's a make or break chance.... must grab it well with my own hands.
Got a couple of tricky cases this few days.... glad to have learned something new.
Went for a jog afterwork.... it's feeling good... though it rained while half way but I feel the rain is so cleansing... it reminded me of the day when I was in University, once again in such misery, I jogged to the cyberport and came across the heaviest rain of my life yet.... I was soaked went and even my mobile was drowned...
Maybe... I can now live without mobile, can I?
There's no one left to call.
New boss arrive tomorrow... once again, it's a make or break chance.... must grab it well with my own hands.
Got a couple of tricky cases this few days.... glad to have learned something new.
Went for a jog afterwork.... it's feeling good... though it rained while half way but I feel the rain is so cleansing... it reminded me of the day when I was in University, once again in such misery, I jogged to the cyberport and came across the heaviest rain of my life yet.... I was soaked went and even my mobile was drowned...
Maybe... I can now live without mobile, can I?
There's no one left to call.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
NCO dinner
This two days had been great.
Nothing too much, nothing pressing, nothing to worry with no boss around...
Can really sit down and think.... career, work, family.... can have time to talk to my staff one on one with ease...
Glad to have some rotation in my staff... an experienced staff will go soon.... but his replacement, though junior, was a nice guy too....
Had a dinner with all my NCO last night afterwork.... chat, drink, laughters... This is a very different social context than the days I had in University or highschool... different people with different rank and age.... but what's important, we all belonged to the same team, all striving towards the same goal, now where is the difference?
It's an wonderful night.
Nothing too much, nothing pressing, nothing to worry with no boss around...
Can really sit down and think.... career, work, family.... can have time to talk to my staff one on one with ease...
Glad to have some rotation in my staff... an experienced staff will go soon.... but his replacement, though junior, was a nice guy too....
Had a dinner with all my NCO last night afterwork.... chat, drink, laughters... This is a very different social context than the days I had in University or highschool... different people with different rank and age.... but what's important, we all belonged to the same team, all striving towards the same goal, now where is the difference?
It's an wonderful night.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
如果你的男朋友是警察
他工作的時候接不了你的電話，請不要怪他， 稍有不慎就可能發生狀況，他面對的是自己及民眾的生命，
他忙的時候回不了妳的訊息，請不要怨他， 他可能正在追捕逃犯或是救護傷患，
他累的時候冷漠不語，請不要與他吵架， 他可能因突然變更的勤務時間打亂了休息時間，腦神經已緊繃一整天，
他可能在崗哨站了十幾個小時 , 他可能剛剛遇到了棘手的案子，
他煩的時候，請不要與他計較， 可能他遇到的案件不是那麼容易能處理 , 唯一能讓他放鬆心情的人只有妳，
他悲傷流淚的時候，請耐心的安慰他， 他面對了太多所謂的人情冷暖，他見過了太多所謂的世態炎涼， 他絕不是冷酷無情，也絕不是遭遇太多而沒有了感覺， 而是他不能在別人面前哭， 他為了能讓工作順利進行， 他必須學會獨立，學會冷靜思考應對各種狀況， 但唯有面對妳，他才能流淚， 因為妳才是唯一那個能讓他感覺最能放下疲勞緊繃的心及依靠的情人。
妳生病的時候他不能在妳身旁照顧妳，請不要怪他， 除了父母，他是唯一那個最擔心妳的人， 哪怕只是一個小小的噴嚏，他也會擔心， 但是他的工作是去幫助那些更多需要幫助的人， 他們把所有的希望都放在了他的身上， 他巴不得自己能像漫畫裡的主角一樣，能變出兩個自己，這樣兩邊都能照顧， 所以他只要有時間一定會在妳身旁照顧妳,
慶假日沒法陪妳的時候，請體諒他， 民眾都在放假，但是警察不能放假， 他要時時刻刻站好自己的崗位，做好自己的本分， 給更多人能夠享受生命，享受節慶假日的快樂， 其實他何嘗不想陪在妳身旁與妳一起度過那美好時光 ，
他不能在紀念日陪妳渡過的時候，請諒解他的苦衷， 他的工作時常不能允許他準時下班，突來的工作更讓他更無所適從， 他也只能聽從，只能習慣經常調動的工作時間。
妳休息時他在工作，妳上班時他仍在工作，請不要抱怨， 其實他最想念的人就是妳，每日想妳千次萬次， 不時打開手機內翻閱與妳互傳的甜蜜簡訊， 這是他無法陪伴在你身旁唯一能夠想妳、念妳的事， 一旦他有時間即使犧牲自己的休息時間也會去看妳，
在妳工作的時候為了不影響妳， 只能在妳看不到的角落偷偷望著妳， 然後傳個簡訊或者打通電話， 告訴妳他好愛妳，好想妳，今天的妳真漂亮， 即便不敢開口仍是說上幾句衣服要多穿一點，一定要好好吃飯， 不要因為工作累壞了身體，我不能時刻在你身旁照顧妳請妳原諒 …
如果妳的男朋友是警察， 請妳嘗試學著去理解，去體諒，去寬容... 畢竟他也經常被人誤解，被人甩臉色， 但他只要想著你，一切一切也無所謂了， 請試著包容他有時候的倔脾氣， 他需要發洩來平衡自己， 他是有心的人不可能讓自己永遠流淚，永遠接受委屈。 妳是他唯一能夠撒嬌，妳是他唯一什麼都不用顧忌傾訴心底話的情人， 妳是他的女朋友，妳是他的精神支柱。
如果妳的男朋友是警察， 請不要嫌棄他粗糙的雙手， 請真心的呵護，當基層員警的身體也不是很好， 工作上無形的壓力和辛苦，日夜顛倒的工作時間，使他的外表及內心更加憔悴。
不要以為他總是能開心的面對每件事，不要以為他總是能微笑的承受他人的冷嘲熱讽， 實際上緊繃的工作重擔，時常更動的工作時間，使他承受了身體和心裡的雙重壓力， 長時間所的工作以及焦慮，所累積的緊繃心情使他比一般人更容易憔悴，更容易生病。
不要抱怨他好似不再細心體貼的關心妳，呵護妳， 請真心的愛護，因為他最愛的人是妳。 長期晝夜顛倒的工作時間把他的生活作息全部打亂， 打亂了妳與他的相處時間，也打亂了他的身體健康， 每每他下了夜班，妳曾否仔細看過他的臉色？
請不要嘲笑他越來越深的黑眼圈，越來越白的鬢角，請真心疼惜， 他的工作不分晝夜，每一分、每一秒鐘都是不閉眼死盯下來的，別人可以睡覺可是他不能...
如果你的男朋友是警察， 請妳仔細看著他憔悴的樣子， 如果真的愛他，請好好珍惜他，關心他， 學著去珍惜，學著去關心，學著為他心疼。
他忙的時候回不了妳的訊息，請不要怨他， 他可能正在追捕逃犯或是救護傷患，
他累的時候冷漠不語，請不要與他吵架， 他可能因突然變更的勤務時間打亂了休息時間，腦神經已緊繃一整天，
他可能在崗哨站了十幾個小時 , 他可能剛剛遇到了棘手的案子，
他煩的時候，請不要與他計較， 可能他遇到的案件不是那麼容易能處理 , 唯一能讓他放鬆心情的人只有妳，
他悲傷流淚的時候，請耐心的安慰他， 他面對了太多所謂的人情冷暖，他見過了太多所謂的世態炎涼， 他絕不是冷酷無情，也絕不是遭遇太多而沒有了感覺， 而是他不能在別人面前哭， 他為了能讓工作順利進行， 他必須學會獨立，學會冷靜思考應對各種狀況， 但唯有面對妳，他才能流淚， 因為妳才是唯一那個能讓他感覺最能放下疲勞緊繃的心及依靠的情人。
妳生病的時候他不能在妳身旁照顧妳，請不要怪他， 除了父母，他是唯一那個最擔心妳的人， 哪怕只是一個小小的噴嚏，他也會擔心， 但是他的工作是去幫助那些更多需要幫助的人， 他們把所有的希望都放在了他的身上， 他巴不得自己能像漫畫裡的主角一樣，能變出兩個自己，這樣兩邊都能照顧， 所以他只要有時間一定會在妳身旁照顧妳,
慶假日沒法陪妳的時候，請體諒他， 民眾都在放假，但是警察不能放假， 他要時時刻刻站好自己的崗位，做好自己的本分， 給更多人能夠享受生命，享受節慶假日的快樂， 其實他何嘗不想陪在妳身旁與妳一起度過那美好時光 ，
他不能在紀念日陪妳渡過的時候，請諒解他的苦衷， 他的工作時常不能允許他準時下班，突來的工作更讓他更無所適從， 他也只能聽從，只能習慣經常調動的工作時間。
妳休息時他在工作，妳上班時他仍在工作，請不要抱怨， 其實他最想念的人就是妳，每日想妳千次萬次， 不時打開手機內翻閱與妳互傳的甜蜜簡訊， 這是他無法陪伴在你身旁唯一能夠想妳、念妳的事， 一旦他有時間即使犧牲自己的休息時間也會去看妳，
在妳工作的時候為了不影響妳， 只能在妳看不到的角落偷偷望著妳， 然後傳個簡訊或者打通電話， 告訴妳他好愛妳，好想妳，今天的妳真漂亮， 即便不敢開口仍是說上幾句衣服要多穿一點，一定要好好吃飯， 不要因為工作累壞了身體，我不能時刻在你身旁照顧妳請妳原諒 …
如果妳的男朋友是警察， 請妳嘗試學著去理解，去體諒，去寬容... 畢竟他也經常被人誤解，被人甩臉色， 但他只要想著你，一切一切也無所謂了， 請試著包容他有時候的倔脾氣， 他需要發洩來平衡自己， 他是有心的人不可能讓自己永遠流淚，永遠接受委屈。 妳是他唯一能夠撒嬌，妳是他唯一什麼都不用顧忌傾訴心底話的情人， 妳是他的女朋友，妳是他的精神支柱。
如果妳的男朋友是警察， 請不要嫌棄他粗糙的雙手， 請真心的呵護，當基層員警的身體也不是很好， 工作上無形的壓力和辛苦，日夜顛倒的工作時間，使他的外表及內心更加憔悴。
不要以為他總是能開心的面對每件事，不要以為他總是能微笑的承受他人的冷嘲熱讽， 實際上緊繃的工作重擔，時常更動的工作時間，使他承受了身體和心裡的雙重壓力， 長時間所的工作以及焦慮，所累積的緊繃心情使他比一般人更容易憔悴，更容易生病。
不要抱怨他好似不再細心體貼的關心妳，呵護妳， 請真心的愛護，因為他最愛的人是妳。 長期晝夜顛倒的工作時間把他的生活作息全部打亂， 打亂了妳與他的相處時間，也打亂了他的身體健康， 每每他下了夜班，妳曾否仔細看過他的臉色？
請不要嘲笑他越來越深的黑眼圈，越來越白的鬢角，請真心疼惜， 他的工作不分晝夜，每一分、每一秒鐘都是不閉眼死盯下來的，別人可以睡覺可是他不能...
如果你的男朋友是警察， 請妳仔細看著他憔悴的樣子， 如果真的愛他，請好好珍惜他，關心他， 學著去珍惜，學著去關心，學著為他心疼。
Give double effort with the price of one.
I can't believe it myself too.... It's now almost one at night.... and I have officially worked way more than half day today.... but I just left the office for home..... the idea of staying in the station crossed my mind for a second before my reasoning kicks in saying I forgot my sleeping bag at home.....
Well.... something's wrong wiht me....
It's been somewhile since I write here.... I still remembered the days when I use to vent my anger or express my views on this blog... now.... I'm doing this over again.
Life was normal.... working an A shift.... nothing too much, cleared most case already on today... Files had been piling up from the day I left Hong Kong for Korea.... it's now payback time....
Was kept busy on file work that I hardly have time to patrol this two days.... must work hard in order to go out and explore.
Attended to a workshop on positive emotions, it couldnt have come in a better time.... learned of new skills and philosophy in keeping myself up.... but will it work? I am a very good testing subject at this moment.
Worked hard on a dangerous drug case.... first time to amend charge and liaise with court prosecutor.... though my staff had prepared all (what they think was correct) documents for my signature... I found I am a bit of perfectionist.... I wont accept anything less than my standard... So i worked hard when everybody else was off and figured out some new functions and procedures that shall help me with future case handling... When I finally dispatch the file away, I felt a sense of happiness and pride at that time.... It's a good feeling.
It's my boss farewell dinner tonight.... It's good to have such an occassion to hang out once in a while.... Met my new boss tonight for the first time.... she seems serious enough... I dont know... on one hand she's the kind of boss that's on the rise and is willing to adopt new ideas.... on otherhand she will not settle for less... I can already see myself working non stop in the forseeable time.... I dont know it's a blessing or curse, I will just live this change.
Farewell to boss. Good luck in the new post.
PS. My big boss told me I am a INTJ person.... the scientist? quite true.
Well.... something's wrong wiht me....
It's been somewhile since I write here.... I still remembered the days when I use to vent my anger or express my views on this blog... now.... I'm doing this over again.
Life was normal.... working an A shift.... nothing too much, cleared most case already on today... Files had been piling up from the day I left Hong Kong for Korea.... it's now payback time....
Was kept busy on file work that I hardly have time to patrol this two days.... must work hard in order to go out and explore.
Attended to a workshop on positive emotions, it couldnt have come in a better time.... learned of new skills and philosophy in keeping myself up.... but will it work? I am a very good testing subject at this moment.
Worked hard on a dangerous drug case.... first time to amend charge and liaise with court prosecutor.... though my staff had prepared all (what they think was correct) documents for my signature... I found I am a bit of perfectionist.... I wont accept anything less than my standard... So i worked hard when everybody else was off and figured out some new functions and procedures that shall help me with future case handling... When I finally dispatch the file away, I felt a sense of happiness and pride at that time.... It's a good feeling.
It's my boss farewell dinner tonight.... It's good to have such an occassion to hang out once in a while.... Met my new boss tonight for the first time.... she seems serious enough... I dont know... on one hand she's the kind of boss that's on the rise and is willing to adopt new ideas.... on otherhand she will not settle for less... I can already see myself working non stop in the forseeable time.... I dont know it's a blessing or curse, I will just live this change.
Farewell to boss. Good luck in the new post.
PS. My big boss told me I am a INTJ person.... the scientist? quite true.
Friday, October 08, 2010
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
韓國之旅
期待,機場,分歧,花園,親疏,快樂,山寺,溫泉,決定,不安,改變,強顏,煙火,猜疑,海傍,甜蜜,晴天,單車,悠閒,紅葉,歐陸,寧靜,勇氣,接受,擔心,無眠,叮嚀,享受,動物,倒數,遊戲,刺激,和服,婚照,閒逛,購物,真相,心灰,淚人,聊天,輕鬆,看破,遊覧,分神,珍惜,大學,將來,機場,妒忌,心灰,起飛,話別,朋友,盡訢,抵達,陌路,學習,前路?
返回現實,經歷在記憶中封存,傷口以時間治療。
返回現實,經歷在記憶中封存,傷口以時間治療。
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Eat and little work...
Nothing much at work.... lunch was extra long this few days as there was district lunch and dvc lunch.... but unfortunately work come to my tray at the same rate, meaning i now have less time for the same amount of work.... sigh...
Have packed my travel suitcase.... expecting a good trip to Korea.
BTW, it's payday today, hurray.
Have packed my travel suitcase.... expecting a good trip to Korea.
BTW, it's payday today, hurray.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Can't sleep.
Can't sleep tonight....
Still troubled by shift work...
Thank you for pointing so many questions for thought...
It's like an alarm, telling me to think...
For one... I think it's time i look after myself better.... keep up the routine of exercise... I am so much weaker than before...
Looking forward to travel.
Still troubled by shift work...
Thank you for pointing so many questions for thought...
It's like an alarm, telling me to think...
For one... I think it's time i look after myself better.... keep up the routine of exercise... I am so much weaker than before...
Looking forward to travel.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Obligation.
Feeling obliged to write.... It's good to keep the habit going.
Made the decision tonight.... applied for AO...
I knew it's not THE Job for me.... but it's good to challenge oneself from time to time.
Work is pretty normal lately.... change in environment is imminent.... have to embrace it....
I am learning to count the blessing everyday... it's a practice i learnt from the positive emotion lecture.... result? I dont know yet, just wait and see.
Now a bit sleepy.... will finish the book 'lost symbol' and sleep.
Gym tmr. Good night.
Made the decision tonight.... applied for AO...
I knew it's not THE Job for me.... but it's good to challenge oneself from time to time.
Work is pretty normal lately.... change in environment is imminent.... have to embrace it....
I am learning to count the blessing everyday... it's a practice i learnt from the positive emotion lecture.... result? I dont know yet, just wait and see.
Now a bit sleepy.... will finish the book 'lost symbol' and sleep.
Gym tmr. Good night.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Malaise....
Was sick for a few days already....
Not too serious, but keep on having minor symptoms....
Mild runny nose.... mild fever when wake.... but the worst of all... the persistent ulcer at teh corner of mouth that wont go away....
I was unable to have a normal meal for almost a week.... it's that painful....
Wanted to grab myself some topical steroid for it... but it was out of stock everywhere.... my tough luck?
Finally, now it's showing sign of improvement.... for how long more?
Work lately is okay... nothing too much... lucky enough to 'escape' handling a decomposed corpse in a rubbish hill as i was away.... but still.... I was faced with death once again... as always, it's not a pleasant experience....
Faced with a bit of dilemma lately..... IP or AO? Late or never? Love or Prospect? A lot of question marks in my head now...
'Memories are always there... depending on whether you look for it, or not.'
Not too serious, but keep on having minor symptoms....
Mild runny nose.... mild fever when wake.... but the worst of all... the persistent ulcer at teh corner of mouth that wont go away....
I was unable to have a normal meal for almost a week.... it's that painful....
Wanted to grab myself some topical steroid for it... but it was out of stock everywhere.... my tough luck?
Finally, now it's showing sign of improvement.... for how long more?
Work lately is okay... nothing too much... lucky enough to 'escape' handling a decomposed corpse in a rubbish hill as i was away.... but still.... I was faced with death once again... as always, it's not a pleasant experience....
Faced with a bit of dilemma lately..... IP or AO? Late or never? Love or Prospect? A lot of question marks in my head now...
'Memories are always there... depending on whether you look for it, or not.'
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sick Leave...
A shift gone by without much happened.... fortunately for me.... no death case....
Took a scheduled two days off.... escorted Mi for a stomach check at hospital. All goes fine except she had a bit of gastritis and needed medication... at least, it's nothing serious.
For me, on the otherhand, had fallen ill.... quite badly....
Fever, shivering and cold.... temperature, runny nose, you name it....
Worse still, i now got plenty of vesicles on the inner side of my lip and joined together to form one big ulcer, hurt like hell....
I can have no choice but to call in sick on saturday.... another holiday wasted....
I must get well soon to finish the piled up work.
Took a scheduled two days off.... escorted Mi for a stomach check at hospital. All goes fine except she had a bit of gastritis and needed medication... at least, it's nothing serious.
For me, on the otherhand, had fallen ill.... quite badly....
Fever, shivering and cold.... temperature, runny nose, you name it....
Worse still, i now got plenty of vesicles on the inner side of my lip and joined together to form one big ulcer, hurt like hell....
I can have no choice but to call in sick on saturday.... another holiday wasted....
I must get well soon to finish the piled up work.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Still... work...
Nothing much.... still work related lately... the D shift was over and now enduring the killing hour A shift...
Work was not as good as before... mostly due to old boss was back... things were so much different now... Perfection is not a priority here in government, but how to get the shitty situation out of your hands quick enough. 多做多錯,唔做唔錯…
That's the way.
Work was not as good as before... mostly due to old boss was back... things were so much different now... Perfection is not a priority here in government, but how to get the shitty situation out of your hands quick enough. 多做多錯,唔做唔錯…
That's the way.
Monday, September 06, 2010
Weekly.
Not a very good return on August.... must write more this month.... though it's already a bit late....
Recap... last week was admin week.... apart from the boat trip with colleague, last week was time for me to clear my documents.... pretty good progress.... got some chance to impress in front of the boss.... made some hard decisions too.... I'm still waiting for the outcome....
Once again.... feeling the JPO mentality a bit.... they'll only consider for themself without seeing the whole picture... but it's exactly this kind of behaviour that needs the management to address to..... gotta speak to the boss(es) tmr... hope things will be fine.
So much about work. Happy news.
Had lunch with Jo yesterday... Finally got the invitation to a forensic dentistry gathering.... will clash with the PI reunion bbq dinner.... but i guess this will be a better choice and it's something that I've longed for....
Today..... work was busy (yes, no more work related issue....).... got a few POE events and bad weather.... but fortunately everything goes right in the end...
Damn tired on the bus trip to Central, was on a circular line and I dozed off for so many times that I ended up almost back at the same spot before I wake..... not a good feeling.
Dinner, with Horace, Yvonne, Angela, Jo + Garfield, CF + Janice, such happy times.... I am picking up the spirit we used to have in PPDH..... crazy, carefree and fun.... chatting with them is like.... tasting some good wine and you're totally into it.... I felt tipsy and good (probably I've laughed too much)... One good point about my current job is that I got tonnes of topics to share with all non-police.... from dead body to stop and question to excitement or boring work, they all want to know..... that's good, that means I'll probably date them more and enjoy such quality time with them....
Memento Mori..... but at least let me enjoy this second.
Recap... last week was admin week.... apart from the boat trip with colleague, last week was time for me to clear my documents.... pretty good progress.... got some chance to impress in front of the boss.... made some hard decisions too.... I'm still waiting for the outcome....
Once again.... feeling the JPO mentality a bit.... they'll only consider for themself without seeing the whole picture... but it's exactly this kind of behaviour that needs the management to address to..... gotta speak to the boss(es) tmr... hope things will be fine.
So much about work. Happy news.
Had lunch with Jo yesterday... Finally got the invitation to a forensic dentistry gathering.... will clash with the PI reunion bbq dinner.... but i guess this will be a better choice and it's something that I've longed for....
Today..... work was busy (yes, no more work related issue....).... got a few POE events and bad weather.... but fortunately everything goes right in the end...
Damn tired on the bus trip to Central, was on a circular line and I dozed off for so many times that I ended up almost back at the same spot before I wake..... not a good feeling.
Dinner, with Horace, Yvonne, Angela, Jo + Garfield, CF + Janice, such happy times.... I am picking up the spirit we used to have in PPDH..... crazy, carefree and fun.... chatting with them is like.... tasting some good wine and you're totally into it.... I felt tipsy and good (probably I've laughed too much)... One good point about my current job is that I got tonnes of topics to share with all non-police.... from dead body to stop and question to excitement or boring work, they all want to know..... that's good, that means I'll probably date them more and enjoy such quality time with them....
Memento Mori..... but at least let me enjoy this second.
Dog's language.
This corner is prepared by someone else..... Wow wow wow!!! ^^ Wow.... Arwh..... Bark*~
Monday, August 30, 2010
Compromise.
It's been another long while since i wrote here...
Not that i dont want to write.... but I lacked the time to be alone and think, especially before my bedtime.... yes, i chose this myself.... but this compromise was not respected...
The biggest problem in any relationship is.... the expectations management.... what you think might not be the same as what you get. It's about how you handle your expectations...
Just my random thoughts.
It's been okay at work lately.... first night shift without dealing with dead body, which is good.
Got a couple of chances meeting with friends. La Salle Reunion was great... we should meet far more often. And Kennon's new place is cozy as well, and that we're living so close now means we shall be able to meet much more often. Can be some interesting occassions~
It's really late now... gotta sleep. Later.
Not that i dont want to write.... but I lacked the time to be alone and think, especially before my bedtime.... yes, i chose this myself.... but this compromise was not respected...
The biggest problem in any relationship is.... the expectations management.... what you think might not be the same as what you get. It's about how you handle your expectations...
Just my random thoughts.
It's been okay at work lately.... first night shift without dealing with dead body, which is good.
Got a couple of chances meeting with friends. La Salle Reunion was great... we should meet far more often. And Kennon's new place is cozy as well, and that we're living so close now means we shall be able to meet much more often. Can be some interesting occassions~
It's really late now... gotta sleep. Later.
Friday, August 20, 2010
All for a reason
Suddenly... learn something from my job...
No matter how sincere, how truthful the words seems....
There's always an intention, a motive behind everything....
Everyone for himself....
Have faith in yourself and bear the consequences.... like a man.
That's what leaders are for, isnt it?
It's a wonderful dinner tonight with Alv, Jeff and Sam... when was the last time we had such a combination? I cant tell exactly, but I still remember the time when my house was under renovation and invited all of them to there for a pre-house warming event? (even without furnitures.... we're all sitting in the dirt covered living room.... booze and laughters were the best remedy to everything.)
Surprise guest of Sin Sir and Kenny...... talked so much about La Salle Spirit..... I'm so glad and honoured to be part of them.... it's a brotherhood I cant explain....... No matter what we say or think, the others will have an 'Been there' feeling... I guess that's what distinguished our relationship....
Got insight in the school management through Sin Sir.... yes, truely, La Salle is facing a dire situation, but as always, La Salle is something more... Just a word and we'll all be there supporting.
It's so much fun... hope next friday's gathering will be as fruitful.
No matter how sincere, how truthful the words seems....
There's always an intention, a motive behind everything....
Everyone for himself....
Have faith in yourself and bear the consequences.... like a man.
That's what leaders are for, isnt it?
It's a wonderful dinner tonight with Alv, Jeff and Sam... when was the last time we had such a combination? I cant tell exactly, but I still remember the time when my house was under renovation and invited all of them to there for a pre-house warming event? (even without furnitures.... we're all sitting in the dirt covered living room.... booze and laughters were the best remedy to everything.)
Surprise guest of Sin Sir and Kenny...... talked so much about La Salle Spirit..... I'm so glad and honoured to be part of them.... it's a brotherhood I cant explain....... No matter what we say or think, the others will have an 'Been there' feeling... I guess that's what distinguished our relationship....
Got insight in the school management through Sin Sir.... yes, truely, La Salle is facing a dire situation, but as always, La Salle is something more... Just a word and we'll all be there supporting.
It's so much fun... hope next friday's gathering will be as fruitful.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Work again.
Endured a trough in career lately...
Was a bit dissatisfied about work...
Not only about ability.... but more about man management....
It's such a hard subject...
Still..... this is where adversity quotient kicks in...
I'm bouncing back....
Anything that doesnt kill makes me stronger.
Enough for work.... for my personal side of life.
All had been good... life was in order...
Didnt find friend as often as I would like to.... but I can't control, just too busy sometimes...
Great to see people still turn to me when they're facing problems... at least my assistance is still appreciated by them.
I longed for some idle days where I can chat, tea, dinner and drink with friends.
A bit worried about Mi on her stomache.
Right.... that's about it.... was being lazy for a week without gym.... must pick up the habit again.
Was a bit dissatisfied about work...
Not only about ability.... but more about man management....
It's such a hard subject...
Still..... this is where adversity quotient kicks in...
I'm bouncing back....
Anything that doesnt kill makes me stronger.
Enough for work.... for my personal side of life.
All had been good... life was in order...
Didnt find friend as often as I would like to.... but I can't control, just too busy sometimes...
Great to see people still turn to me when they're facing problems... at least my assistance is still appreciated by them.
I longed for some idle days where I can chat, tea, dinner and drink with friends.
A bit worried about Mi on her stomache.
Right.... that's about it.... was being lazy for a week without gym.... must pick up the habit again.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Ocean Park...
Spent a day in Ocean Park in the sun.... it's fun.... but it's really hot at the same time....
Cant stop sweating....
But the game it's fun, and moreover, I've got an unlimited entry for the coming 14 months.... good.
Must visit it again soon.
Work... back from 2 days vacation, as usual, files got piled up...
Now realize why notebook entry was so important, especially you got case going to the court (or coroner's)....
I have no idea why people can facebook while they're at work.... does it mean their workload is too light? I can hardly squeeze time....
Nevermind... I needa sleep... next time.
Cant stop sweating....
But the game it's fun, and moreover, I've got an unlimited entry for the coming 14 months.... good.
Must visit it again soon.
Work... back from 2 days vacation, as usual, files got piled up...
Now realize why notebook entry was so important, especially you got case going to the court (or coroner's)....
I have no idea why people can facebook while they're at work.... does it mean their workload is too light? I can hardly squeeze time....
Nevermind... I needa sleep... next time.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A nothing much Tuesday.... but still getting off work late.... that's a shame.
Head out to gym at night, tried Body Pump course finally..... never imagine it can be so tough... I felt my muscles swell....
Wednesday.... busy.... start with a person collasped case in morning.... when I thought the quota of the day is used up.... hardly.... a dead body found case in the afternoon..... damn it.... grossly decomposed corpse.... well cemented to the floor by the decomposition residue.... naked on the lower part of body and nothing but tendon is left... even the heart rolled out as the intestines and lungs were gone... the smell? you guess...
When face to face with this case, I can only remember one song in my mind.
After work rushed through all the paper work and went out for football... hang out in TST with Alvin, who's back in town finally..... dinner was great with a new found friend from Japan and France (tourists who sat beside us, had some interesting chat)... Nice conversation with Jeff and Alvin during the night.... surely we should head out more often.
Head out to gym at night, tried Body Pump course finally..... never imagine it can be so tough... I felt my muscles swell....
Wednesday.... busy.... start with a person collasped case in morning.... when I thought the quota of the day is used up.... hardly.... a dead body found case in the afternoon..... damn it.... grossly decomposed corpse.... well cemented to the floor by the decomposition residue.... naked on the lower part of body and nothing but tendon is left... even the heart rolled out as the intestines and lungs were gone... the smell? you guess...
When face to face with this case, I can only remember one song in my mind.
After work rushed through all the paper work and went out for football... hang out in TST with Alvin, who's back in town finally..... dinner was great with a new found friend from Japan and France (tourists who sat beside us, had some interesting chat)... Nice conversation with Jeff and Alvin during the night.... surely we should head out more often.
Monday, August 09, 2010
Work.... as usual.
Work is great lately.... nothing too troublesome....
quite busy though.... working overtime for many days straight already.
In charge of a couple operations, amending order that reach to DC level... I'm now seen by my boss as the 'work horse'.... quite unlike my usual motto, "work smart, play harder....".... but it's good for a change.
Went to gym again.... feeling good.... I'm no longer as fit as before but now instead of body building, I'm hoping to get fit and endurance.... tried body combat and body pump courses.... pretty cool... it's so tiring.
Time to sleep now.... tmr gotta work... I longed my holiday.
quite busy though.... working overtime for many days straight already.
In charge of a couple operations, amending order that reach to DC level... I'm now seen by my boss as the 'work horse'.... quite unlike my usual motto, "work smart, play harder....".... but it's good for a change.
Went to gym again.... feeling good.... I'm no longer as fit as before but now instead of body building, I'm hoping to get fit and endurance.... tried body combat and body pump courses.... pretty cool... it's so tiring.
Time to sleep now.... tmr gotta work... I longed my holiday.
Friday, August 06, 2010
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
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