Day 183

A friday... as usual, start off the day with footdrill (which in my opinion, is totally useless.)

Tactics lesson in the morning, the use of flashlight, pretty interesting stuff with quite a number of techniques and applications.

Trial fitted the ceremonial dress in the afternoon..... it's so tight that I can hardly breath.....

Range course in the afternoon, finally, scored the perfect mark in this course, with pretty good grouping too, I'm satisfied.

Get away from the campus the first thing after work..... went to dinner with Mi and meet with her friends.... and that night I got chance to meet with Kathy, as she's around in CB too... made an impromptu gathering to be held on Saturday (TBC).

Night.... spent at home.... it's good.

Day 181, 182

The reason i write everyday (not every... but close) is not for any other person, but the fact that I want to have some form of record, a time to recollect my thoughts after each day/each entry, and I've developed a habit of writing, which is hard to get rid of.... and I think it's going to be great when I look back some 10, 15 years from now.... I might be able to laugh at some of my silly comments.....

I'm probably drifting too far now.... getting back to my life lately....

Wednesday... stupid morning..... I grew sick and tired of the footdrill lesson after like 1 hour of training.... how was I able to stand it for 5 hours? I'm impressed with myself.

Worked a bit on homework in the afternoon, before listening to a guest lecture on CAPO.

Evening... had the chance to run an exercise my colleagues gave me.... well.... I appreciate their effort.... yes, I've learnt something.... but were they useful? I cant tell.... only later shall I know.

Thursday....

Swimming non-stop in such a weather is killing and exhausting..... thankfully I've got the OU lessons to refill my energy.

Dine out at "the flying pan" tonight.... was not too bad.... though I admit it's a bit expensive.

I'm feeling the stress... not because of the job... but because of you... I cant left you heart broken.

Day 180

It's chilling today.

Morning parade in the morning.... totally frozen.... joints cant move freely....

Footdrill to follow..... you call that a lesson? Is that a joke?

OU and more OU filled the day....

Life's getting routine.... and boring....

Self-run exercise tonight... frankly.... all your effort is very much appreciated but I dont need those.... i knew too well my weaknesses and the exercise is not going to help me get through it.... I'll have to fight my own devil myself... sorry if i sound cruel, but that's the fact. I still do it tonight because I dont want to see you sad only... sigh.... I really shouldnt say that much... I'll do whatever that can make you feel better.

Day 179

Whole day working on CAPO and practical.

I gave blood today..... i hope if fung shui is true, I'd have saved myself from something bad through the intended bleeding ^^

Got extra footdrill in the evening, what a waste of time.

*4~ Time flies, isnt it?

Shame tonight it's such a short night.....

Time to sleep now.... later then.

Weekend

Weekend was wasted, totally.

Saturday morning, need to work as DO.... doing nothing but sitting in a boring duty room for the whole morning....

The afternoon was so tired that I slept through it, only getting home at night.

When I got back I got a bit of stomache and I did nothing but sleep.

Woke up late on Sunday... doing nothing and wasted another good weekend.

Got back to college..... cant stand the people.... their ways of doing things are horrible.... was so pissed and I've gone beserek... (rightly so)..... stressed with the work piling up.... not even you can help as this has got nothing to do with you..... just let me be, I dont want to hurt you because of my temper.....

Day 178

I forgot what I've done the whole day.... i guess.... nothing much but sleeping through the class....

Night went out for a dinner with Jeff and Lily..... he's such a good/comforting friend that I need not to hide anything, any feeling from him..... he's always the first to know my situation..... I felt better once I talked my situation with him. And by being a good friend means when I'm in trouble, he can always distract me with some good humoured joke and blathering topics..... I had so much fun that night.... hope to meet up soon.

Went wandering in TST later that night.... I dunno.... I was confused too.... I suddenly grew uncertain about my future... glad you're by my side... I love to share my every feelings with you... but do you have time to listen? I'm glad tonight we've spent such good times talking about these... best is yet to come?

Day 177

A routine thursday.

The swim in the morning was good.... but tiring as well.....

Met with a University classmate in the evening today..... he intended to join the force too.... I dont know why but looking at him, I kind of see myself 1 years ago..... full of passion, sick of the dentistry job and searching for my own way..... see what I've become now? Am I deviated from what I planned to do at first? Am I heading the right way?

Night... I was being unstable lately..... causing trouble not only to myself but people around me... gosh.... it's a cold war.

Day 174, 175 and 176 (Hell week)

Once you stop writing for a while, the harder it gets for you to resume writing again..... one reason is the feeling grew weaker and weaker and you can no longer write the day with passion..... your piece became a dead wood..... blend and lifeless..... I hope i didnt bore you with my piece here.

48 hours, not a single minute missing..... the hell week.

Non stop physical exercise, living in fear, draining of the brain, torture and pain, sleepless nights.... um.... that sums it up quite well.

The arrangement of this hell week is quite the same as last time, only the minor details were different.... I'm glad that Mary was lighter than before and the physical standard was more reasonable....

The hell week is always, not a pleasant experience for me.... I've screwed up with my own case and was worrying about yours... but thankfully, you got it right at last.... at least, I have one thing less on my mind now....

I grew tired after the hell week..... not just physical, but mental as well... it's just annoying.

Day 174 (first half)

It's been so long since I updated.... got issues in hand that kept me hold up over the last few days.... read more and you'll know.

Monday.... a pretty ordinary day.... except for the fact that every staff are giving us clues on when the 'hell week' will start.... Skipped the RC paper exam (Coz I've done it before) and for the PT session.... it's swimming training.... I felt my swimming skill is getting better.... but still... swimming non-stop can be a tiring task.....

Afternoon..... revolver course, 6 rounds in 12 seconds..... I was unable to perform on that day..... i dunno why..... stress maybe? Just got too much thoughts through out the training..... I almost need a retake at the test.... but fortunately, i scored full marks in my last hand of bullets such that I dont have to waste further effort in that course.... such effort is best to be placed in the upcoming hell week.... more on that in the next post.

Hell week feeling...

Though the hell week is still in place and my performance is not too good... but I'm glad I have this time to stop for a while and reorganize the thoughts.....

Physically.... I'm glad I've improved (or they've lowered the standard).....

Mentally.... some problems still.... but was able to calm my nerve for most of the time.... which I'm satisfied.....

As a team.... well..... both 516 and 517 consists of some good people..... but it's more harmonic in 517 and I actually enjoyed being here.....

Sigh..... I'm pending the result to be released some time later this evening.... but no matter what, as my colleague suggest, it's not the end of the world..... and moreover.... even if I have to leave.... this's been a wonderful experience here....

Let's not think too much and just let it be...

PS. I prayed today.... not just for myself..... but for you as well... Things shall be fine, relax.